I'm incredibly disappointed in myself because naive and blind aren't two words I'd ever use to describe myself; until today.
... I wrote that on Thursday, and I think it's necessary that it stays. I had a lot on my mind and part of releasing it is to leave it there. But it's incredible how strength of character is portrayed in how you deal with situations; rather than the situations you're in. So, welcome to my revised, more positive post.
... I wrote that on Thursday, and I think it's necessary that it stays. I had a lot on my mind and part of releasing it is to leave it there. But it's incredible how strength of character is portrayed in how you deal with situations; rather than the situations you're in. So, welcome to my revised, more positive post.
Lessons are to be learnt, not opportunities squandered
February, as a whole, has been pretty good to me. It's funny how poker has taught me so much in life, and no lesson more important than 'variance'. To explain it to a non-poker player; I guess it's similar to economics. When it's represented on a graph there's peaks and troughs, but generally, a 'winner' will have an upward gradient in the long run. I think it goes far and above my personal opinion to tell you if you're a winner or not, and you'll have to ask me in 50 years or so for a more accurate answer, but at least I can reflect on my 23 year journey so far.
I'll start with poker, because I know most people will roll their eyes and not take the time to read it; so I'll keep it brief.
I started two weeks ago with a $150 deposit on Stars and had essentially, the second best poker month I've ever had. Playing 25PLO I spun up a profit of approximately $1,050 in a week and a bit. Unfortunately, as is the nature of poker, I was blind to the fact I was experiencing a 'heater' - when a player is considered to be 'running good' and therefore making a greater profit per hour played. Quite frankly, not even the best professionals in the world could keep that up on a consistent level. Ironically, the past week has seen me swing back down to roughly $450; leaving me with a meager $300 profit. As a recreational player that's been dealing with a lot of mental leaks however; I'm not that disheartened by it. I've also purchased PokerTracker from my profits so my game should theoretically improve in the long term - not an awful month by any stretch. No more poker talk for now; promise.
Ironically..? Just in case anyone picked up on it
In the same manner as my poker, February has been a pretty swingy month on a personal / social level. Where some had fallen by the wayside for a multitude of reasons (well, one primary reason but I don't need to go into it), I opened new doors and rediscovered some others. It's interesting how we change the people involved in our lives over a period of time and become very circumstantially dependent. Fortunately I'm not one to hold a grudge and often take a step back to appreciate the bigger picture, rather than the smudge on the canvas that's been pointed out to me. In reality; does one small, insignificant mistake ruin a masterpiece? I'd like to think not.
I received a text last Wednesday (the 22nd if that's about to bear relevance to anything) which I'll paraphrase ~ "Although you're so aware of so many things, I don't know if you're really, truly, honestly aware of the impact you can have on people. Everything you say may be a lie, but I have no reason to think it is. Your honesty and humour are endearing."
It's not often the simple things that someone might say make me smile, but that in itself evoked a response I'm not usually in touch with. Borderline dangerous for stroking my ego? Perhaps. I guess I'd never really given much thought to the idea that my opinions, advice and experiences would really relate to those around me on such a level. Like most things, this encouraged my overly active mind to think about situations I've been in, how I've dealt with them, discussed them and moved on from them; but then onto the point of how other people deal with their own situations in everyday life.
Personally I'm a believer in "age is just a number", and I don't think it directly correlates to how mature you are as a person. If anything, age has just given you a timeline in which to record your experiences, and the older you are, the more potential you've had to experience. I meet thirty-somethings that still go clubbing on a regular basis as if they were fresh out of college and twenty-somethings that have their own children, long term partners and commitments to mortgages and seemingly lasting careers. To blanket that with something as simple as 'age' would be naive. A lot of that is likely what stirs my inquisition.. I never really enjoyed those 1,000 piece puzzles your parents would give you as a kid to keep you entertained for hours because you haven't worked out to either find all of the corner pieces first or start from a focal point in the picture on the lid.
When it comes to puzzles relevant to me though? It's people. We're all incredibly complex in our own ways and although many people share tendencies and similarities, no two people will ever be exactly the same. I don't think I ever went out with the intention of analysing people to the extent I do, but it is something that I find really challenging and ultimately; satisfying. I'm not sure if it's inspired by watching Season 2 of Dexter fairly recently but I'm half-tempted to look into a career in criminal profiling. I haven't got the faintest idea of how to get into it but hey, sounds good right? I'm starting to waffle and let myself be distracted, so I'll wrap this up. I guess my mind is a little cluttered so it's coming across far more bitty than I imagined in my own head..
Fate.. Destiny.. Fortune and Karma..
Really? All of the above are one and the same. What's curious is that there are many interlaced patterns connecting the same words in a number of different respects and a multitude of beliefs surrounding each of them.
Typically, people that 'believe' in karma advocate 'what goes around, comes around' and in some manner; luck is on your side when you're sitting atop a moral high ground, yet leaves you to your own devices when you've been a little out of touch with the angels of society. In a similar (yet not identical, I appreciate) manner, these believers are often of the impression that fate, destiny and everything between is somehow already carved out for each of us as individuals. We have to take each day as it comes and it will end as it was forever intended.
Ironically, (I love that word), I used to believe in very much the same. I think I've been pretty 'lucky' in the terms of things falling into my lap, be it work opportunities, academic achievements, good health (debatable!), friendships, relationships - the list probably goes on a little longer. Now however? I'm contrary to that line of thinking. Riding on the back of success is no where near as fulfilling as grafting to the point of really achieving success.
I think if I missed anything as a kid, it would be having a vigorous work ethic drilled into me. I'm pretty laid back by nature and sometimes I do need a real boot up my proverbial backside to motivate myself. In my line of work it's quite interesting that how I am as a manager reflects in my team's performance too. There's a consistent pattern of; under-performance -> I get booted -> I boot everyone else -> we all perform. We're too relaxed in getting "just enough done" when in reality we could do more and really push ourselves to exceed expectations. Something (or someone) really has to capture my imagination, creativity and drive to get the best out of me in that respect.
In light of that, and the line I hate to hear whenever someone comes to me for advice; "It's easier said than done, Rick", is hopefully going to be the driving force behind March and beyond. One thing I don't like ever being accused of, is hypocrisy, so if you ever hear me say the aforementioned, then please - point it out to me. It'll get under my skin and you'll be opening yourself to a nasty sideways glance but genuinely; I'd appreciate it.
So I implore anyone that reads this; to take destiny into your own hands. At the end of the day, the result isn't always necessarily the most important thing. If you want to walk away from something with your head held high; at least look back on it and consider if you had given yourself the best shot at getting what you want from life. Be proud of what you've achieved; and if you haven't quite got there - be proud of giving it your best.
In closing, I have a little line of advice. Someone told me the first part not so long ago, and I've tried to instill it every day since; it really does make a difference..
Wake up with a smile; it's better than breakfast.
