This one's for you Chops..

Because Chops is just Chops..

So I wasn't planning on updating my blog until the end of January because I figured it would give me a pretty fair reflection on my resolutions and so on. However, the man above requested a little update to see how I'm getting on in life because he couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone. So I'll spend an hour or so telling everyone my life story instead. But hopefully it'll make for a pretty interesting read regardless.

I promised myself I'd be dead honest with myself regarding my resolutions, so I guess that means I have to be honest with everyone that takes the time to read this. I made 7 resolutions this year, and we're a massive 11 days into January; 10 days after I actually made them, so let's see how I'm getting on..

1. Giving up smoking ... failed.

2. And fast food ... passed!

3. And alcohol! ... failed.

4. Running consistently ... passed!

5. Gym routine ... hasn't got up and running yet.

6. Practical planning ... this is 50/50 ... Ok, it's a fail.

7. Playing poker the successful way ... Now this is 50/50. Too small a sample to judge though.

In an effort to start with the negative and build on a positive, I guess that means I have to start with my failures. Smoking and alcohol very much boiled down to the same thing, and I think I've smoked a total of 12 cigarettes and had a single JD & coke. Why? Well, there's always a legitimate reason. Not one I'm happy about and in hindsight, was likely a pretty bad excuse, but hey ho, that's life, and life's all about reflections.

When you're 6'1", hitting the floor hurts a little more than when a short person falls..

A close friend of mine picked me up on something this week. "I don't understand why you're putting your happiness down to women, that's not like you?", and she couldn't be more right. I like to think that if I've learnt anything in life, it's that resilience is key. I like to believe I'm a pretty confident, emotionally stable, generally secure, well rounded individual (no pun intended). So I got one of those pretty standard emotionally conflicting messages from someone I was pretty close to recently. I have no idea if she'll read this or not, but hey, if she does; I'll give her credit for getting to me. Allow me to paraphrase..

"Yeah I know, I'm just saying I don't know about everything.. or anything.. you know what I mean?"

"Not really.. in relation to what?"
"Us :/ x"

Boom. Doesn't take a psychologist to work out that's bad news, right? Obviously I'm not going to go into details but I'm sure you can imagine the conversation that followed, which pretty much consisted of the sharp end of my tongue until finding some rationality to chill out, calm down and be reasonable. Realistically? I could have probably seen it coming for a few weeks. It was a difficult situation from day one and it was never going to be a simple equation to solve. On top of that, the conversation never really changed anything. Females are naturally indecisive in my experience (God forbid my feminist friends read this and jump on my back about it...), and she was never in a position to give me a reasonably solid answer about what "it" (shall we say) was. I guess in analysing almost everything in depth I hate the feeling of unknowing and it left me in a  pretty vulnerable position. My only problem was, until receiving the message above, I didn't realise it would hurt the way it did.

Being a bloke, naturally, I figured the best response was to relay the situation to said friend that mentioned how my mentality almost never relates to women, and Big Kev, who I'm sure will appreciate the irony in being labelled Big Kev. We were due in the Nags for the Big £5 Tuesday Game at about half 7, so I was round to his for just after 6 for a cuppa and a cigarette. It helped talking the situation off my chest, probably moreso than the cigarette and the JD & coke when we got to the Nags, but the combination of everything gave me some kind of clarity - so much so that I went on to win and take home a tidy £55 profit. Not a bad return on a fiver.

Moving swiftly onwards..

The other fail was relating to practical planning. Now, I've experienced for a good 4-5 years now, that January is always a tough month financially. This year I was paid on the 22nd Dec (my birthday, result, in some ways), but won't be paid again until the 27th Jan. Pretty long stretch for someone that leaves a lot to be desired in ways of financial plans. See my problem is, I'm well aware of the situation. I know it's going to be a long month, I know that from the 22nd through to the 1st I'm more than likely going to be spending more than I should be, yet I didn't budget for any of it. After all, it's Christmas.

So we're about mid-January, I'm 16 days away from being paid, and thankfully with a £60 top-up I'm actually in a reasonable financial position for the month. Realistically I would've made it regardless, but the £60 is pretty much the equivalent to turning over to the cold side of your pillow, it just feels that little bit better. Good job I don't drink, else it might have cost me a round. It also means I can commit to two more things at the end of the month, but more on that to follow...

Plans for the rest of January..

I initially insisted I was giving up paintball this year. It's a huge financial strain that I can't afford, especially for the whole year. Infact, playing for 8 months of the year (something like that), probably costs me in the region of £1,200-£1,500 a year. That's without taking into account if I need something replaced, and gear certainly doesn't come cheap. Ben managed to break my hopper (loader to non-paintballers) which is a good £75 at least, so there's plenty of costs to creep in that escalate that figure. It's a pretty expensive hobby without heavy sponsorship, and even then, you'll be dishing out even more in terms of travel, more training etc - so it's all swings and roundabouts.

However, Darren (otherwise known as Cueball) posted up the field layout for the event at the end of January, and I fell in love with it. As a tape-side player (or teabag side.. I might do a paintball blog after the event and go into details for anyone interested, or not, whatever!), the field is absolutely perfect. Lots of cross-field protection, and perfect bunkers / lanes on my side of the field. I think I'll be incredibly confident on it, to the point that I haven't trained for three months yet I think it will only take a game or two to get back into the swing of things. On top of this, Simon's put his name forward to play in the 5-man team. He's got huge depth of knowledge within the game and was a fantastic influence in my development. Aside from him of course, is the opportunity for brotherly bonding. He's always pushed me in the deep end with paintball so I figure it's the best way to thank him by signing off with a trophy. We'll see.

I'll be updating again at the end of January, hopefully cigarette / alcohol free. I don't really consider the resolutions 'failures' as they were merely hiccups on the way to a long term goal.

Thanks for following; and hopefully you've enjoyed the read. Look forward to the next one.

~ Rick