First things first, I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone that's been around for the past couple of weeks. Seems a lot of people read my last blog and made a conscious effort to find out how both I & my mum are - certainly didn't go unnoticed and I genuinely appreciate it. She's in good health and I'm sure the fact that she's having people round for dinner and the abundance of flowers and cards that have turned up are a positive sign despite playing havoc with mine and the old man's sinuses. I don't think there's much more to say on the topic, so... thank you.
Online Dating... Why?
Being one with a plethora of opinions about, well, almost everything, I seem to be getting questioned on the nature of online dating recently. Personally, it's something I've never done, but I'm neither for nor against it. People have various reasons for signing up to dating sites in the first place and a few of my friends definitely demonstrate the benefits no matter what you're looking to get out of it. Without delving into detail, if you're looking for something serious, lasting and opening your catchment area to beyond your local area - there's multiple sites that are laden with equally minded people from all corners of society. On the flipside, if you're looking for something more casual, laid back and simply easy.. well, it doesn't get much easier. Tell someone you'll meet them at Reading festival, treat them to a can of Fosters and they'll stay the night in your tent (you know who you are, good work!)
Not that I like taking credit for anything...
A friend of mine asked me best part of two years ago if I'd had any experience with online dating. Besides hearing of friends that had used it and having a look at POF (I think I have a really, really incomplete profile somewhere?) I'd never actually (and still to this day haven't) used it, nor intend to. After a couple of hours discussing his success rate, his messages and how he came across however, we took a bet on how many replies he'd get to a message I designed for him. I think I might have shot myself in the foot given that if I was to start online dating, I probably couldn't use it myself, but hey ho, creativity is a blessing right? I'm in two minds about sharing it on here but I'll err on the side of caution and keep it to myself (well, ourselves, technically). Regardless, he sent my message out after putting his own little spin on it (important to stay true to yourself!) and the next time we met, I was more impressed than I thought I'd be. In an average of ten messages he was lucky to get two replies.. using what I'd modelled for him, he had four dates lined up for the following week. Safe to say I'd dropped myself in the deep end and I'd be spending many a Tuesday night dissecting the results of his dates - but he had a fairly refreshing presence about him and to this day it's safe to say taking a new angle worked wonders for him.
He's currently dating someone not necessarily regarded as 'his type' but he seems pretty smitten, and given that I hear more about her than I ask for, I'm chuffed for him (you're not letting her read this are you..? Sorry fella!). Without doubt his experience is probably the most satisfying and rewarding element of online dating that I've been somewhat 'involved' with. Safe to say, if I was ever to partake in it myself, I'd be asking him for a word of advice or two. Funnily enough, his new better half is also the one that asked the question "Why doesn't Rick do it?" - I'll answer that at the end of this post.
On the flipside..
I have two friends, ironically, same age, similar backgrounds, social circles and the like that have entered the world of online dating. One has been using it for a while with various successes whilst the other is fresh to the whole concept and to a certain degree; I'm not sure if she knew what to expect.
My early and fairly naive view of online dating that anyone partaking in it has to have 'something wrong' with them in some way. Bit harsh giving it a blanket impression but to a degree I don't think I was entirely misled. There are a lot (probably more than I imagined) of genuine, sincere and honest people that use online dating for a multitude of reasons including time constraints, geographical issues and the challenges of breaking the ice face to face. There are however, a huge collection of social oddities and misguided individuals that tend to take the time pursuing options that they probably shouldn't. It's a good ego boost for some though, so they're not all that bad to have around. Besides, everyone loves a compliment, and they're pretty harmless. The old saying states there's "someone for everyone", so good luck to them.
...
I think I fell asleep when I was writing this two weeks ago and I've lost my trail of thought but someone asked me to post it regardless, so here it is. I guess the long and short of it is, online dating is a huge minefield littered with individuals that all have their different reasons for being part of it. Personally, I don't think you can ever truly judge someone *without* face value, but I guess it's a good a means of an introduction as any. Its also far too easy to use as a means of making up for your latest failed relationship..
If you're into online..? Good luck to you. In the meantime, I prefer the real world!
Monday, 29 October 2012
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Long, Long Overdue..
What a weekend. What a month. Well, maybe more like three.
I guess this blog post has been well and beyond overdue. I've spent my Sunday on call (more on that later) tidying, clearing out and rediscovering some things I'd long forgotten about. Notably a leaving card that reads - "It's been good getting to know you, so please stay in touch! Good luck in your new job. Don't get complacent on the blog updates, you know how much I enjoy them!"...
Talk about guilt trip.
Working Sundays.. that must suck, right?
So, I'm sure the majority of people that tend to read this given the opportunity are well aware I'm somewhat settled in a new job. After 6 somewhat lengthy years in the wonderful world of retail, I've made a fairly smooth transition into the demanding, exceptionally fast paced industry that is temporary recruitment. In complete honesty and transparency I couldn't have seen myself doing it ~7 months ago but I genuinely couldn't be much happier. After sinking deep into the comfort zone of the same area manager and the same contacts in the retail industry since the tender age of 16 it's a pretty daunting experience facing up to the prospect of working with people you don't know in a completely different job role to the one previous. That being said, as daunting as it may have been, there's so many positives to look forward to. Not only the obvious pay difference (which, lets face it, all of us work for), there's a change of scenery, potential opportunities and career development - far more positives than negatives to say the least.
I'm incredibly fortunate to be working on a busy driving desk based out of Swanley given it's one of the company's longest running and undoubtedly one of the most successful. Thursday gone was undoubtedly a highlight of my 12 weeks with Swanstaff. The year is targeted by quarters and after a lot of quick learning (by that, I mean being dumped in the deep end whilst my newly acquired manager spent my third and fourth weeks sunning himself in Kos), and an abundance of cigarettes, it was announced that we'd more than achieved our target and earnt a healthy bonus due to be paid at the end of October. On a personal level, it's a huge incentive for me to keep performing - a reasonable lump sum bonus pays off one of my debts. One down at the end of the month with two to go? Happy days. Bring on the Ferrari come August.
Don't get me wrong though, every positive has to have some degree of negativity to balance it out. One essential factor in providing staff to several different industries is accessibility. Some of our clients work 24/7 and therefore we're required to be available to meet those demands. On call isn't so bad though, once every 5 weekends and one night of the week, which is generally pretty quiet providing everyone in the office has done their job properly throughout the day / week...
I've got plenty more to write but when I'm almost guaranteed a 4am wake-up call and I'm due in the office at 6, it's probably best I get a couple of hours shut-eye. Look out for an update! Ciao for now.
Famous Last Words
Given the blog was on a pretty spectacular note throughout; it doesn't take much to bring someone crashing back down to reality. Tuesday's are supposed to be like every other Tuesday. A little £5 pub poker game with banter, laughs and good company. I thought it was going the same way and despite a pretty early exit from the poker, I was in my usual high spirits.
Unfortunately, nature has an incredibly twisted means of dealing a pretty nasty hand. I got a text telling me "not to worry" despite the fact my mum was in hospital.. Not sure about anyone reading this but I think that's pretty good reason to worry.
After an incredibly sleepless night, blood tests at 4am and so on, I struggled through work on Wednesday. Safe to say my head wasn't really where it should've been, but on the flip side, there wasn't much else I could do. Sitting at home was probably the worst of my options regardless.
I can only assume tomorrow will be much of the same when she heads "downstairs" as the (and this is going to sound rather sinister), 'regulars' would call it. I'm not a fan of hospitals as it is, but seeing your mother (a very youthful looking) 60 years of age in a ward with women all closer to 80, it's a pretty surreal experience - and one I don't think I'll ever enjoy.
I don't think I could face being there tomorrow so I've opted to work through it and take Friday off to, I dunno, 'support' her recovery? With any joy she'll be out on Saturday; just a little scattier than usual given present company.
Sometimes I think we're a little too quick to neglect how much family can really mean to us. It's certainly nothing short of a wake up call and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have no idea what I'd make of the situation if it was a little more serious than its proves to be. I'm usually a little more reserved with my emotions and feelings in general, but I have nothing but the utmost respect, admiration and love for the woman that made me the man I am today.
I guess this blog serves as a pretty effective outlet afterall... Sorry this one doesn't come with a happy ending.
~ Rick
I guess this blog post has been well and beyond overdue. I've spent my Sunday on call (more on that later) tidying, clearing out and rediscovering some things I'd long forgotten about. Notably a leaving card that reads - "It's been good getting to know you, so please stay in touch! Good luck in your new job. Don't get complacent on the blog updates, you know how much I enjoy them!"...
Talk about guilt trip.
Working Sundays.. that must suck, right?
So, I'm sure the majority of people that tend to read this given the opportunity are well aware I'm somewhat settled in a new job. After 6 somewhat lengthy years in the wonderful world of retail, I've made a fairly smooth transition into the demanding, exceptionally fast paced industry that is temporary recruitment. In complete honesty and transparency I couldn't have seen myself doing it ~7 months ago but I genuinely couldn't be much happier. After sinking deep into the comfort zone of the same area manager and the same contacts in the retail industry since the tender age of 16 it's a pretty daunting experience facing up to the prospect of working with people you don't know in a completely different job role to the one previous. That being said, as daunting as it may have been, there's so many positives to look forward to. Not only the obvious pay difference (which, lets face it, all of us work for), there's a change of scenery, potential opportunities and career development - far more positives than negatives to say the least.
I'm incredibly fortunate to be working on a busy driving desk based out of Swanley given it's one of the company's longest running and undoubtedly one of the most successful. Thursday gone was undoubtedly a highlight of my 12 weeks with Swanstaff. The year is targeted by quarters and after a lot of quick learning (by that, I mean being dumped in the deep end whilst my newly acquired manager spent my third and fourth weeks sunning himself in Kos), and an abundance of cigarettes, it was announced that we'd more than achieved our target and earnt a healthy bonus due to be paid at the end of October. On a personal level, it's a huge incentive for me to keep performing - a reasonable lump sum bonus pays off one of my debts. One down at the end of the month with two to go? Happy days. Bring on the Ferrari come August.
Don't get me wrong though, every positive has to have some degree of negativity to balance it out. One essential factor in providing staff to several different industries is accessibility. Some of our clients work 24/7 and therefore we're required to be available to meet those demands. On call isn't so bad though, once every 5 weekends and one night of the week, which is generally pretty quiet providing everyone in the office has done their job properly throughout the day / week...
I've got plenty more to write but when I'm almost guaranteed a 4am wake-up call and I'm due in the office at 6, it's probably best I get a couple of hours shut-eye. Look out for an update! Ciao for now.
Famous Last Words
Given the blog was on a pretty spectacular note throughout; it doesn't take much to bring someone crashing back down to reality. Tuesday's are supposed to be like every other Tuesday. A little £5 pub poker game with banter, laughs and good company. I thought it was going the same way and despite a pretty early exit from the poker, I was in my usual high spirits.
Unfortunately, nature has an incredibly twisted means of dealing a pretty nasty hand. I got a text telling me "not to worry" despite the fact my mum was in hospital.. Not sure about anyone reading this but I think that's pretty good reason to worry.
After an incredibly sleepless night, blood tests at 4am and so on, I struggled through work on Wednesday. Safe to say my head wasn't really where it should've been, but on the flip side, there wasn't much else I could do. Sitting at home was probably the worst of my options regardless.
I can only assume tomorrow will be much of the same when she heads "downstairs" as the (and this is going to sound rather sinister), 'regulars' would call it. I'm not a fan of hospitals as it is, but seeing your mother (a very youthful looking) 60 years of age in a ward with women all closer to 80, it's a pretty surreal experience - and one I don't think I'll ever enjoy.
I don't think I could face being there tomorrow so I've opted to work through it and take Friday off to, I dunno, 'support' her recovery? With any joy she'll be out on Saturday; just a little scattier than usual given present company.
Sometimes I think we're a little too quick to neglect how much family can really mean to us. It's certainly nothing short of a wake up call and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have no idea what I'd make of the situation if it was a little more serious than its proves to be. I'm usually a little more reserved with my emotions and feelings in general, but I have nothing but the utmost respect, admiration and love for the woman that made me the man I am today.
I guess this blog serves as a pretty effective outlet afterall... Sorry this one doesn't come with a happy ending.
~ Rick
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Falling Off the Wagon..
If you're gonna do something; don't do it by halves.
I guess this is really the only thing I've really remained true to throughout June. I really hate indecisiveness; I much prefer someone take a decision and run with it, even if it does turn out to be the wrong one by the end of it. A least it gives you the opportunity to reflect and learn instead of never knowing.
Before I get into this blog; I want to thank everyone I've had around throughout the past month as its consisted of some of the highest highs, yet also some of the less desirable lows that are just a by product of having a good time. I don't really do regrets; and anything I care to ramble about from here on certainly is no exception.
So, June. It's pretty much been one crazy party with a crushing hangover.. Quite literally.
After months of sobriety I decided to give myself the excuse of having a drink on birthday nights. Unfortunately, when you have quite a diverse and sporadic social circle.. Lots of people have birthdays. I won't blame your parents for enjoying the cold wintered nights with each other and actually, I just blame myself for succumbing to the seductive mistress that is a concoction of Jack Daniels, Jaegermeister, red bull and wine in all of its destructive, intoxicating forms.
My no drinking policy pretty much sailed out of the window, ran across the school field opposite my house and did a little dance for everyone lucky enough to inhabit Bexleyheath to see. In the process I've managed to be sick during a 5-a-side tournament, ruin one of my favourite shirts (sorry Ted, red wine and white shirts are a lethal combination) and fall out of favour with my bank manager. Thank fuck I don't bank with Natwest.
On the other hand, I've finally left the wonderful world of Burton (small round of applause from any current / former Arcadia employees appreciated) after five and a half years, somewhat befriend the security staff in both Affinity and Nyne (good people to know I'd bet), meet a few new faces and learn something new about some people I really didn't expect to... Including myself. I imagine the majority of you reading this will be pleased to hear I have practically nothing to say on the poker front (except a congratulations to Cem for winning himself a holiday to Vegas).
So where to start? I'm not really sure if I'm honest! I think my Facebook documents pretty well where I've been and who with in the past few weeks. Not to mention I probably don't really remember enough detail from any night out to tell you what's made each night amazing in its own right. One things for sure though; it's not necessarily where you are, but more the company you keep. I'm sure there's some quotes I should make an effort to remember.. "what I lack in technique I make up for in effort" detailing Rich's sex life for one. Sorry bud but that was too good to let go. Thankfully I tweeted "Hurry up and stick your finger in, my rice is getting cold".. I'll let you make of that what you will. What is it with everyone turning up at the Laughing Buddha when you're smashed and supposed to be heading home anyway? Managed it twice in consecutive weekends and was supposed to be there Saturday night but somehow convinced myself that bed was a better idea. Anyway; if you've been around, you know who you are, so thanks for burning holes in my wallet, making me feel incredibly lethargic and feeling sorry for myself. That might sound sarcastic but I'm being sincere;
for all the negatives, it's been worth it.
I guess the most exciting thing is my imminent change in career. How old am I..?
After a relatively unsuccessful job hunt pre-Christmas ( thanks in kind for completely ballsing up my second interview with Levi's.. Over confidence gets you nowhere ), I almost felt like I'd done too many interviews to fail another one. So, my CV was passed onto a recruitment consultancy based in the wonderful world of Swanley and I was invited to interview in their Head Office on a (ona auto-corrects to Obama on iPhones.. Weird) Thursday evening. I'm not normally one for nerves but I surprised myself. I found myself buying cigs for the first time in ages on my way, turned up half hour early and proceeded to smoke two before realising that walking into an interview smelling of smoke is one of the silliest things you can do. I guess a bad impression can only get better right? ( please don't take that seriously if you're interviewing somewhere.. Just don't smoke )
Anyway, they took me in 15 minutes early and I still found the nerves sending those really small, hardly noticeable tremors throughout my body. Thankfully no sweaty palms; but I realised for someone that can often be so confident and borderline arrogant; I was really apprehensive about the idea of selling myself.
For about 10 minutes.
Once in the interview and getting past the mundane, technical questions that employers have to ask; I found myself settling down and taking more risks in my responses. After all, why do I want a career in recruitment?
Simply? There's far more money in recruitment than there is in retail in our current economic climate, and that's likely to continue for years to come, if not indefinitely. High streets are dying because people and technology alike are making it consistently easier to discover value through online shopping or using different retailers for the same product at a cheaper price. This will be a tend that continues as far as I can imagine and frankly, leaves little hope for retail managers looking to further a career in a very stifled market. Despite my area manager's encouragement; there simply aren't enough stores being opened and enough money coming into stores to really ensure solid progression, substantial pay rises and ultimately, a better quality of life.
In recruitment however, theres demand. Demand means theres money. Where there's money, there's opportunity. I was offered the position before leaving the room on that Thursday evening and I didn't hesitate to accept; after all, I wasn't going to haggle with employers who were giving me precisely what I was asking for. For the first time in what feels like years, I'm genuinely excited at the prospect of a completely new role. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that won't last long in the grand scheme of things; but I made my intentions clear that I'll be looking to progress at the earliest opportunity, change offices and make money for the company, which in turn, makes me money. Retail will very rarely offer that. It also means I get to work the old "9-5", although I'm under no illusions - the harder / longer you work, the better for you in the long run.. But I get my weekends off to indulge in pub gardens and long lay-ins on Sundays. Tad excited.
I guess I'll take this opportunity to thank those that have supported me, from the relatively timid, awkward boy scout at 16 years of age walking around the Bluewater store tidying up suits to the somewhat bigger personality I am today. I'd like to think there's not a lot I haven't learned with regards to retail management, and people management will be a skill I will never underestimate. Good luck to all of you; and again, thank you.
Fathers' Day happened this month too. As a male, and a father to be ( I would hope, and no, no one is expecting as far as I know, I'm just talking future tense ), I think we can often be found guilty of overlooking Fathers' Day. In the past, I've done the simple thing of buying a card, some kind of novel present ( anyone that knows Mr Baxter will understand ) and leaving it downstairs just to show that I 'remembered' I have some kind of obligation to thank my old man for the past 23 years. This year however, I decided to do things a little differently.
One thing my brother and I always did with my dad was to go to boot fairs. He was away on Fathers' Day so we had to settle for it a week late. Unfortunately, it also happened to piss down with rain so we only had the pleasure of Welling School's incredibly limited, bric-a-brac, hand-me-down indoor stalls. After driving to three sites that were all closed; the day was pretty much a wash out. We treated the old man to a cafe breakfast all the same ( Sainsbury's Crayford.. I wouldn't recommend it ) and more importantly, spent a good 6 hours or so as Father and Sons. It's been a long time since we've had the opportunity and I think he appreciated it, at least I'd hope so. Anyway, moral of the story is, I discovered I can actually be incredibly thoughtful when I want to be, and Lyon know what? It felt good. It still does infact. Do something that requires a but of thought next year; you won regret it.
I guess this brings me into the slightly deep, relatively emotional side of my blog where certain individuals love reading between the lines and picking me apart for it later. Enjoy kids ;).
It's been a really, really strange month. For obvious reasons I won't name names, but anything I do say on here; I hope you don't mind me sharing it.
The first thing that really got this month was playing a little game of Truths with someone. She asked something that actually really threw me at the time; "What's your saddest memory?"
I really had to search for an answer to it as its not something I've ever really considered, and for the sake of feeling a little vulnerable, I don't mind sharing my answer. My grandad's funeral a few years back. More specifically, the point in which my brother and I were stood either side of my old man having just come out of the crematorium main chamber. The service was hard enough to deal with, but I'd done pretty well in containing my emotions, up until the point that my dad turned to us and said something along the lines of "You two are supposed to be supporting me" as his first tear of the day rolled down his cheek. As a pillar of a man that I've leaned on so many times in the past, it's safe to say, this alone broke me. I was so wrapped up in containing my own grief I hadn't spared a thought for the man that had lost his father, and in one single moment, I was met with a crescendo of emotions that I still can't accurately describe. Talk about opening your mind..
It really made me realise that I think I'm somewhat lucky to be able to emotionally disconnect myself in certain scenarios, if a little inhuman. More importantly, it also made me realise that I guess I have a heart. If you read this by the way, thanks :).
As if my own emotional roller coaster wasn't enough, I found myself in two other conversations that were completely unexpected.. It's hard to get across the message without detailing things but I'll do my best as I wouldn't want to break their trust.
So the first was a phone call whilst I was at work with a somewhat 'different' request.. To pop round when I can and check up on their mum. Like a lot of my close friends, I have a habit of calling mums, well, 'mum'. Just something I've always done out of respect and will continue to do so providing that's how they're introduced. What touched me was the fact that I'm seen in that light I guess. If I'm completely transparent, its like walking into territory that I really don't think I'm going to be comfortable with, so I've put it off a little longer than I intended. I'll be round in the week, by the way; sorry it's not been sooner.
The second really came out of the blue, and there are rarely times I'm lost for words, but this was one of them. Similarly, it relates to a friends' parents and is an incredibly difficult situation to come to terms with. Eye-opening again was that they came to me to ask how I cope with dealing with everyone else's burdens whilst also carrying our own. I'm flattered, honoured and frankly, proud. But it's far from easy, and I sympathise completely. Sometimes we really forget to ask how someone is when we're busy off-loading all of our issues and not taking time to consider theirs. If you just felt a slight pang of guilt; remember to ask next time. It's not difficult. And they will appreciate it.
I had one of those moments where I think of the right words at the right time, as follows..
"The heaviest burdens to bear are not ours to bear alone. No matter how things are between us, I'll always be there to share them."
Rocks have feelings too y'know :).
Hope you found something in there worth relating to.. Was a strange experience writing that one. Take care of yourselves, and those that mean the most.
~ Rick
I guess this is really the only thing I've really remained true to throughout June. I really hate indecisiveness; I much prefer someone take a decision and run with it, even if it does turn out to be the wrong one by the end of it. A least it gives you the opportunity to reflect and learn instead of never knowing.
Before I get into this blog; I want to thank everyone I've had around throughout the past month as its consisted of some of the highest highs, yet also some of the less desirable lows that are just a by product of having a good time. I don't really do regrets; and anything I care to ramble about from here on certainly is no exception.
So, June. It's pretty much been one crazy party with a crushing hangover.. Quite literally.
After months of sobriety I decided to give myself the excuse of having a drink on birthday nights. Unfortunately, when you have quite a diverse and sporadic social circle.. Lots of people have birthdays. I won't blame your parents for enjoying the cold wintered nights with each other and actually, I just blame myself for succumbing to the seductive mistress that is a concoction of Jack Daniels, Jaegermeister, red bull and wine in all of its destructive, intoxicating forms.
My no drinking policy pretty much sailed out of the window, ran across the school field opposite my house and did a little dance for everyone lucky enough to inhabit Bexleyheath to see. In the process I've managed to be sick during a 5-a-side tournament, ruin one of my favourite shirts (sorry Ted, red wine and white shirts are a lethal combination) and fall out of favour with my bank manager. Thank fuck I don't bank with Natwest.
On the other hand, I've finally left the wonderful world of Burton (small round of applause from any current / former Arcadia employees appreciated) after five and a half years, somewhat befriend the security staff in both Affinity and Nyne (good people to know I'd bet), meet a few new faces and learn something new about some people I really didn't expect to... Including myself. I imagine the majority of you reading this will be pleased to hear I have practically nothing to say on the poker front (except a congratulations to Cem for winning himself a holiday to Vegas).
So where to start? I'm not really sure if I'm honest! I think my Facebook documents pretty well where I've been and who with in the past few weeks. Not to mention I probably don't really remember enough detail from any night out to tell you what's made each night amazing in its own right. One things for sure though; it's not necessarily where you are, but more the company you keep. I'm sure there's some quotes I should make an effort to remember.. "what I lack in technique I make up for in effort" detailing Rich's sex life for one. Sorry bud but that was too good to let go. Thankfully I tweeted "Hurry up and stick your finger in, my rice is getting cold".. I'll let you make of that what you will. What is it with everyone turning up at the Laughing Buddha when you're smashed and supposed to be heading home anyway? Managed it twice in consecutive weekends and was supposed to be there Saturday night but somehow convinced myself that bed was a better idea. Anyway; if you've been around, you know who you are, so thanks for burning holes in my wallet, making me feel incredibly lethargic and feeling sorry for myself. That might sound sarcastic but I'm being sincere;
for all the negatives, it's been worth it.
I guess the most exciting thing is my imminent change in career. How old am I..?
After a relatively unsuccessful job hunt pre-Christmas ( thanks in kind for completely ballsing up my second interview with Levi's.. Over confidence gets you nowhere ), I almost felt like I'd done too many interviews to fail another one. So, my CV was passed onto a recruitment consultancy based in the wonderful world of Swanley and I was invited to interview in their Head Office on a (ona auto-corrects to Obama on iPhones.. Weird) Thursday evening. I'm not normally one for nerves but I surprised myself. I found myself buying cigs for the first time in ages on my way, turned up half hour early and proceeded to smoke two before realising that walking into an interview smelling of smoke is one of the silliest things you can do. I guess a bad impression can only get better right? ( please don't take that seriously if you're interviewing somewhere.. Just don't smoke )
Anyway, they took me in 15 minutes early and I still found the nerves sending those really small, hardly noticeable tremors throughout my body. Thankfully no sweaty palms; but I realised for someone that can often be so confident and borderline arrogant; I was really apprehensive about the idea of selling myself.
For about 10 minutes.
Once in the interview and getting past the mundane, technical questions that employers have to ask; I found myself settling down and taking more risks in my responses. After all, why do I want a career in recruitment?
Simply? There's far more money in recruitment than there is in retail in our current economic climate, and that's likely to continue for years to come, if not indefinitely. High streets are dying because people and technology alike are making it consistently easier to discover value through online shopping or using different retailers for the same product at a cheaper price. This will be a tend that continues as far as I can imagine and frankly, leaves little hope for retail managers looking to further a career in a very stifled market. Despite my area manager's encouragement; there simply aren't enough stores being opened and enough money coming into stores to really ensure solid progression, substantial pay rises and ultimately, a better quality of life.
In recruitment however, theres demand. Demand means theres money. Where there's money, there's opportunity. I was offered the position before leaving the room on that Thursday evening and I didn't hesitate to accept; after all, I wasn't going to haggle with employers who were giving me precisely what I was asking for. For the first time in what feels like years, I'm genuinely excited at the prospect of a completely new role. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that won't last long in the grand scheme of things; but I made my intentions clear that I'll be looking to progress at the earliest opportunity, change offices and make money for the company, which in turn, makes me money. Retail will very rarely offer that. It also means I get to work the old "9-5", although I'm under no illusions - the harder / longer you work, the better for you in the long run.. But I get my weekends off to indulge in pub gardens and long lay-ins on Sundays. Tad excited.
I guess I'll take this opportunity to thank those that have supported me, from the relatively timid, awkward boy scout at 16 years of age walking around the Bluewater store tidying up suits to the somewhat bigger personality I am today. I'd like to think there's not a lot I haven't learned with regards to retail management, and people management will be a skill I will never underestimate. Good luck to all of you; and again, thank you.
Fathers' Day happened this month too. As a male, and a father to be ( I would hope, and no, no one is expecting as far as I know, I'm just talking future tense ), I think we can often be found guilty of overlooking Fathers' Day. In the past, I've done the simple thing of buying a card, some kind of novel present ( anyone that knows Mr Baxter will understand ) and leaving it downstairs just to show that I 'remembered' I have some kind of obligation to thank my old man for the past 23 years. This year however, I decided to do things a little differently.
One thing my brother and I always did with my dad was to go to boot fairs. He was away on Fathers' Day so we had to settle for it a week late. Unfortunately, it also happened to piss down with rain so we only had the pleasure of Welling School's incredibly limited, bric-a-brac, hand-me-down indoor stalls. After driving to three sites that were all closed; the day was pretty much a wash out. We treated the old man to a cafe breakfast all the same ( Sainsbury's Crayford.. I wouldn't recommend it ) and more importantly, spent a good 6 hours or so as Father and Sons. It's been a long time since we've had the opportunity and I think he appreciated it, at least I'd hope so. Anyway, moral of the story is, I discovered I can actually be incredibly thoughtful when I want to be, and Lyon know what? It felt good. It still does infact. Do something that requires a but of thought next year; you won regret it.
I guess this brings me into the slightly deep, relatively emotional side of my blog where certain individuals love reading between the lines and picking me apart for it later. Enjoy kids ;).
It's been a really, really strange month. For obvious reasons I won't name names, but anything I do say on here; I hope you don't mind me sharing it.
The first thing that really got this month was playing a little game of Truths with someone. She asked something that actually really threw me at the time; "What's your saddest memory?"
I really had to search for an answer to it as its not something I've ever really considered, and for the sake of feeling a little vulnerable, I don't mind sharing my answer. My grandad's funeral a few years back. More specifically, the point in which my brother and I were stood either side of my old man having just come out of the crematorium main chamber. The service was hard enough to deal with, but I'd done pretty well in containing my emotions, up until the point that my dad turned to us and said something along the lines of "You two are supposed to be supporting me" as his first tear of the day rolled down his cheek. As a pillar of a man that I've leaned on so many times in the past, it's safe to say, this alone broke me. I was so wrapped up in containing my own grief I hadn't spared a thought for the man that had lost his father, and in one single moment, I was met with a crescendo of emotions that I still can't accurately describe. Talk about opening your mind..
It really made me realise that I think I'm somewhat lucky to be able to emotionally disconnect myself in certain scenarios, if a little inhuman. More importantly, it also made me realise that I guess I have a heart. If you read this by the way, thanks :).
As if my own emotional roller coaster wasn't enough, I found myself in two other conversations that were completely unexpected.. It's hard to get across the message without detailing things but I'll do my best as I wouldn't want to break their trust.
So the first was a phone call whilst I was at work with a somewhat 'different' request.. To pop round when I can and check up on their mum. Like a lot of my close friends, I have a habit of calling mums, well, 'mum'. Just something I've always done out of respect and will continue to do so providing that's how they're introduced. What touched me was the fact that I'm seen in that light I guess. If I'm completely transparent, its like walking into territory that I really don't think I'm going to be comfortable with, so I've put it off a little longer than I intended. I'll be round in the week, by the way; sorry it's not been sooner.
The second really came out of the blue, and there are rarely times I'm lost for words, but this was one of them. Similarly, it relates to a friends' parents and is an incredibly difficult situation to come to terms with. Eye-opening again was that they came to me to ask how I cope with dealing with everyone else's burdens whilst also carrying our own. I'm flattered, honoured and frankly, proud. But it's far from easy, and I sympathise completely. Sometimes we really forget to ask how someone is when we're busy off-loading all of our issues and not taking time to consider theirs. If you just felt a slight pang of guilt; remember to ask next time. It's not difficult. And they will appreciate it.
I had one of those moments where I think of the right words at the right time, as follows..
"The heaviest burdens to bear are not ours to bear alone. No matter how things are between us, I'll always be there to share them."
Rocks have feelings too y'know :).
Hope you found something in there worth relating to.. Was a strange experience writing that one. Take care of yourselves, and those that mean the most.
~ Rick
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Understanding Internalisms and Dealing with Externalisms
So I definitely made up the terms "Internalisms" and "Externalisms" but hopefully I'll make sense of them somewhere in this blog.
It's true what they say about never knowing what tomorrow brings.. This morning I was greeted by someone I work *with* (credit to someone that gave me a life lesson regarding how we see people within a work environment no matter their status) that seems to 'always' come worse off in any given situation. It's flattering that someone 25 years my senior would come to me for an opinion I might add. Without going into details about her personal life, I found myself talking about the very title of this blog so hey, why not share it?
The long and short of it is, after many years with her partner, a son together, several homes with the only thing missing being a declaration of vows and a wedding ring; he took it upon himself to turn everything on its head for what I can only assume was satisfying his own ego and leave for another woman.
Perhaps not to such an extremity but I'm sure a lot of people reading this can relate.. Infact, I'm sure some of those reading have been 'that guy'... I'll reserve my judgement. Each to their own and I'm sure you have your reasons.
I'm fortunate enough to have never really been on either side of that situation (as far as I'm aware!) but this blog isn't really about that specifically; but moreso what it means and how to deal with it; hence the title.
Sometimes when you think you've hit the bottom, you can't see anything positive to draw on and you're not quite sure when your break is due; you have to come to the point of understanding that your own happiness is on the back of your own merit. I'm sure I've touched on this before but I found myself explaining it all over again.
The theory itself is really basic in principle, or so I'd like to think.
Internalisms..
By this; I simply mean, everything that we influence and control within ourselves.
Too often do I doubt what I'm doing on a daily basis, asking myself if I'm truly doing all I can to maximise my satisfaction, and the simple answer is; no. For example, despite firing my CV off to numerous agencies, websites and so on before Christmas last year, I never really took the time to look over what I'd written on it three years ago. Was it still relevant to who I am today? Did it really reflect my behaviours, achievements, goals and transferable skills? Not particularly. If I'm honest, it still doesn't, although it reads a lot better than it did those three years ago. For any roles I've applied for and not heard back from; I have no one to blame but myself. I've never really given myself the best opportunity I can, and until I do, I can never be completely satisfied with my efforts.
The same applies to relationships, friendships, sports, gaming (former WoW player here.. Don't ask) and just about any other aspect of life I could think to apply it to. I guess as I started on the theme of relationships it's the next natural explanation..
Unfortunately I think the large majority f people fall into the 'beauty of hindsight' category and never really see mistakes when they're making them; only after they've been made and they're beyond rectification. In relationships its easy to take someone else, and everything they do, for granted. What we never really consider is precisely what we do for them, why we do it, what it means to then and if we're really demonstrating our best selves throughout the relationship. People aren't perfect and I'm not naive enough to discount that; but there is almost always that little bit more we could've done, or rather, should've. More often than not we've suffered a moment where a slip of empathy means we've never really considered what saying something means to a significant other, or worse, not saying anything at all. I'm definitely about to contradict myself but for one, it demonstrates that such matters aren't black and white, and secondly, it's 1am on a Tuesday (technically Wednesday?) and I'm rambling - bear with me ;).
The point I'm trying to make is; our actions, thoughts and feelings that we are accountable for, are our responsibility and ultimately; we have no one to answer to but ourselves. If you can't be happy with yourself, who can you be happy with? Or, in an alternative light, who could ever be happy with you?
Externalisms however..
Are predominately the thoughts, feelings an emotions you associate with someone or indeed something else's doing. If Internalisms are an action, Externalisms are a reaction. More often than not; other people's actions are beyond your means of control (I'd hope that's the case anyway!).
Personally I find it easier to relate Internalisms as positives and therefore Externalisms negatives; although this isn't always the case. Obviously someone doing something nice for you is a positive Externalism; and your reaction will likely be a positive (unless you're an ungrateful misog). In the case of relationships though (we can argue friendships fall into this broader category for what it's worth); we can be very quick to highlight several negatives and overlook the positives. It's human nature in most of us and I'm sure any poker player can tell you a thousand bad beat stories as opposed to when they rode their luck (nearly got there without a poker reference but there's the slip.. Sorry!).
We forget about the mornings that our other halves made us a cup of tea before we had to head out to work, because we like to moan about how inconsiderate they are the one day they forget.. Straying from the point, aren't I?
In the case of my colleague above; there is absolutely nothing she can do now that he's decided to move on because it's a factor outside of her control. He's responsible for his own mind as she is hers, and it's very unlikely that his mind will change once it's been made up. The simple fact of the matter is, that it leaves two options. The first being the least favourable, the negative, downbeat attitude that can't ever seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The alternative; getting over it, moving on and *accepting* that's what's done is done. Deal with it. The only thing you can really relate back to in terms of an explanation is; "Did I do everything I could have done to put myself in the best possible situation?". If the answer is no, then at least you've found something to work on and improve for next time round. Providing you want it, because after all, there will always be a next time if you want it enough.
Life's a pretty tough game in the grand scheme of things, but if you want to enjoy it? That's all down to you.
It's true what they say about never knowing what tomorrow brings.. This morning I was greeted by someone I work *with* (credit to someone that gave me a life lesson regarding how we see people within a work environment no matter their status) that seems to 'always' come worse off in any given situation. It's flattering that someone 25 years my senior would come to me for an opinion I might add. Without going into details about her personal life, I found myself talking about the very title of this blog so hey, why not share it?
The long and short of it is, after many years with her partner, a son together, several homes with the only thing missing being a declaration of vows and a wedding ring; he took it upon himself to turn everything on its head for what I can only assume was satisfying his own ego and leave for another woman.
Perhaps not to such an extremity but I'm sure a lot of people reading this can relate.. Infact, I'm sure some of those reading have been 'that guy'... I'll reserve my judgement. Each to their own and I'm sure you have your reasons.
I'm fortunate enough to have never really been on either side of that situation (as far as I'm aware!) but this blog isn't really about that specifically; but moreso what it means and how to deal with it; hence the title.
Sometimes when you think you've hit the bottom, you can't see anything positive to draw on and you're not quite sure when your break is due; you have to come to the point of understanding that your own happiness is on the back of your own merit. I'm sure I've touched on this before but I found myself explaining it all over again.
The theory itself is really basic in principle, or so I'd like to think.
Internalisms..
By this; I simply mean, everything that we influence and control within ourselves.
Too often do I doubt what I'm doing on a daily basis, asking myself if I'm truly doing all I can to maximise my satisfaction, and the simple answer is; no. For example, despite firing my CV off to numerous agencies, websites and so on before Christmas last year, I never really took the time to look over what I'd written on it three years ago. Was it still relevant to who I am today? Did it really reflect my behaviours, achievements, goals and transferable skills? Not particularly. If I'm honest, it still doesn't, although it reads a lot better than it did those three years ago. For any roles I've applied for and not heard back from; I have no one to blame but myself. I've never really given myself the best opportunity I can, and until I do, I can never be completely satisfied with my efforts.
The same applies to relationships, friendships, sports, gaming (former WoW player here.. Don't ask) and just about any other aspect of life I could think to apply it to. I guess as I started on the theme of relationships it's the next natural explanation..
Unfortunately I think the large majority f people fall into the 'beauty of hindsight' category and never really see mistakes when they're making them; only after they've been made and they're beyond rectification. In relationships its easy to take someone else, and everything they do, for granted. What we never really consider is precisely what we do for them, why we do it, what it means to then and if we're really demonstrating our best selves throughout the relationship. People aren't perfect and I'm not naive enough to discount that; but there is almost always that little bit more we could've done, or rather, should've. More often than not we've suffered a moment where a slip of empathy means we've never really considered what saying something means to a significant other, or worse, not saying anything at all. I'm definitely about to contradict myself but for one, it demonstrates that such matters aren't black and white, and secondly, it's 1am on a Tuesday (technically Wednesday?) and I'm rambling - bear with me ;).
The point I'm trying to make is; our actions, thoughts and feelings that we are accountable for, are our responsibility and ultimately; we have no one to answer to but ourselves. If you can't be happy with yourself, who can you be happy with? Or, in an alternative light, who could ever be happy with you?
Externalisms however..
Are predominately the thoughts, feelings an emotions you associate with someone or indeed something else's doing. If Internalisms are an action, Externalisms are a reaction. More often than not; other people's actions are beyond your means of control (I'd hope that's the case anyway!).
Personally I find it easier to relate Internalisms as positives and therefore Externalisms negatives; although this isn't always the case. Obviously someone doing something nice for you is a positive Externalism; and your reaction will likely be a positive (unless you're an ungrateful misog). In the case of relationships though (we can argue friendships fall into this broader category for what it's worth); we can be very quick to highlight several negatives and overlook the positives. It's human nature in most of us and I'm sure any poker player can tell you a thousand bad beat stories as opposed to when they rode their luck (nearly got there without a poker reference but there's the slip.. Sorry!).
We forget about the mornings that our other halves made us a cup of tea before we had to head out to work, because we like to moan about how inconsiderate they are the one day they forget.. Straying from the point, aren't I?
In the case of my colleague above; there is absolutely nothing she can do now that he's decided to move on because it's a factor outside of her control. He's responsible for his own mind as she is hers, and it's very unlikely that his mind will change once it's been made up. The simple fact of the matter is, that it leaves two options. The first being the least favourable, the negative, downbeat attitude that can't ever seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The alternative; getting over it, moving on and *accepting* that's what's done is done. Deal with it. The only thing you can really relate back to in terms of an explanation is; "Did I do everything I could have done to put myself in the best possible situation?". If the answer is no, then at least you've found something to work on and improve for next time round. Providing you want it, because after all, there will always be a next time if you want it enough.
Life's a pretty tough game in the grand scheme of things, but if you want to enjoy it? That's all down to you.
Friday, 25 May 2012
The Highs and Lows of No Limit Hold'Em
I'm sure anyone that's read this blog (including a tweet favourited by @Daleroxxu, a PokerStars online Pro) or anyone that knows me personally recognises that I've put a lot of hours into poker both live and online. My experience ranges from playing in pubs at 18 for £5 with guys all new to the game; fresh fish in a pretty big pond to £50 tournaments at Nottingham's infamous Dusk Til Dawn cardroom; undoubtedly the biggest and best in the UK; not to mention visiting some of the biggest venues in Las Vegas from small scale hotels to the homes of the high rollers in the Bellagio, Venetian, Aria and everything between. In terms of cash poker I've spent many a night in friend's back rooms playing 5p/10p with tins of Fosters, £1/1 in the Fox on Shaftesbury Avenue (likely my preferred venue) and £1/2 in The Empire Casino in the heart of Leicester Square.
It's pretty safe to say that poker, paintball and partying have been the three biggest aspects of my life in the past 18 months; ironically, about the same time that I split with my last missus. Funny how you find the time for things without a woman to nag you all the time ;) (and just in case she's reading this, for anyone that hasn't met her, she's actually borderline amazing; just some things happen at the wrong time.. my bad!)
So what's this blog about, really?
I saw a tweet about a friend learning to play poker for pennies, ironically, not so different to how I first started playing the game (although I think it was for pounds.. how naive of me) and in jest, suggested that it's probably a bad idea to start. I'm actually at the very beginning (as in, I'm a whole day in) of a 10 week poker 'hiatus'. It's predominately down to varying internal / external factors, but as is the nature of poker, I very much consider myself to be on what's known as a 'downswing'. The nature of the game is such that sometimes even when you're playing well; there's nothing you can do about the cards that fall. I've been thinking about taking a break for a few weeks given my lacklustre performance last season at the Nag's Head in Welling. If anyone wants to play recreational poker on a Tuesday night for a mere £5, I recommend it. Once you settle in after a couple of weeks and everyone realises that you're not a melodramatic, egotistical arsehole (in my case, I've been accepted as such; so you've got a pretty high tolerance threshold when I'm in there), it's a great atmosphere with a mix of playing styles, abilities, ages and sometimes genders; although it is (as is the nature of the game) always going to be a predominantly male environment. However, my decision was confirmed after a ridiculously bad night at The Empire.
I had last Saturday off work and nothing planned for Friday night (very unlike me), so thanks to Nathan's generosity and faith in my game, I headed up to meet him in Central London for what would eventually turn out to be an 8 hour session, having planned for only half of that. The night started pretty 'meh' on all accounts and I'd topped up after an hour or so of being in there, switched on my game and started picking spots with a solid read on most of my opponents on the table. Coming up for about 1.30am I'd spun up something like a £450 profit and was contemplating cashing out, naturally sitting in for another round or two to avoid the indecency of taking a huge percentage of someone's stack and then leaving the table; effectively devoiding them the opportunity of winning anything back and reducing the amount of cash on the table. This will be the only hand I explain on this blog (I'd hope) to demonstrate the variance in poker and the brutal reality of the game sometimes. If anyone that plays far more than I do wants to comment on the hand; please do (@freddie_baxter on Twitter).
I'm on the button with 99 (suits are irrelevant), with 3-4 limpers before me so there's ~£12 in the pot. I raise pre-flop to £21 (generally acceptable in the Empire given that a lot of the players on a Friday night have been out for work drinks and are looking to throw lots of money your way.. that and I'm £450 up). The big blind (BB) is the only caller as the rest of the table folds round.
The flop is an absolute dream; 3 9 J rainbow.
I've just flopped the second nuts with the only hand beating me being JJ, very unlikely that the BB doesn't 3-bet this pre, even out of position (OOP) against my button range. Being the tender age of 23 I'm considered to be 'one of those internet kids', so we have a pretty loose, aggressive reputation. So be it.
The BB check / calls my bet of £38; he doesn't have much in this spot other than JX, 33 or QT. I bet big to price his draws and extract max value from a very solid holding; against JX (his most likely), I'm a huge 96% favourite to win the hand. That's just about as good as it gets.
The turn is a pretty bad card if I consider QT a part of his range.. Kd, also bringing a diamond flush draw. Again, the BB check / calls my bet of £84. I think if he's just turned the straight, two pair or any hand that beats an overpair / AK, he's raising here for value considering he's out of position on the river. I actually improve; I'm 100% against any Jx that's not J9, J3 or JK; and I'm a 96% favourite against any of those hands.
The river falls another K. The BB checks to me again and I fire a value bet of £180; the one thing he does is what I'm not expecting. He attempts to shove his entire stack in, but manages to mess up and the dealer calls it a min-raise. I've still got more behind, but suddenly his call / call / shove line makes no sense, except for one hand. I call off the extra £180 and I see the one hand I really don't want to see; KJ.
The guy goes from a mere 10% chance of winning, down to 4%, to 100%. That is the nature of poker, and left a steaming £503 hole in my stack. So much for that four hour profit.
Ironically, just as I wrote this part, Nathan text me the following;
"You'll like this one. I've got AA utg in a straddle. I make it 27, one caller (massive fish, bad player) from the SB, flop Q72, he checks, I bet 35, he raises to 70, I raise to 160, he shoves for 750, I snap. He has JJ. He hits runner runner quads. 1.5k pot... :/"
Horrible game; isn't it?
Most poker players will always stress over their bad runs as opposed to their positive ones. I blogged before about the Nottingham trip in which I was over £1k in profit from the Friday night; so obviously the potential highs speak for themselves.
So, back to that tweet..
On my original point; I advised the world of twitter not to get involved in poker which is actually a really negative outlook. The game can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. I won't enter the debate about gambling / skill / luck as convincing anyone from outside the poker spectrum will either fail to understand, or choose not to. I don't participate in sports betting and I'm generally pretty effective at avoiding the lure of roulette wheels and blackjack tables.
Poker however is very much a thinking man (or woman)'s game; there's so many levels upon levels which new players can't even begin to appreciate until they experience the game in depth. I still consider myself very much an amateur as a break-even player over the past few years; although I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had, nor the people I've met through poker for anything. Besides that, I'm sure there will come a time I'll pull off a miraculous tournament win to put a deposit on a flat at least. It's all in the grand plan.
On a more serious note; poker is a fantastic hobby if you can exercise the powers of self-control and set yourself limits. On a social level, having anything between 4-10 people around a table with a few drinks and just a few quid between friends is the recipe for a fun and fantastic night. On a professional level? You get the benefits of avoiding tax and choosing the hours you want to work; but I'd suggest working up a huge sample before you even think about that option.
I've now got ten weeks to fill with doing awesome stuff that doesn't involve cards; suggestions welcome!
It's pretty safe to say that poker, paintball and partying have been the three biggest aspects of my life in the past 18 months; ironically, about the same time that I split with my last missus. Funny how you find the time for things without a woman to nag you all the time ;) (and just in case she's reading this, for anyone that hasn't met her, she's actually borderline amazing; just some things happen at the wrong time.. my bad!)
So what's this blog about, really?
I saw a tweet about a friend learning to play poker for pennies, ironically, not so different to how I first started playing the game (although I think it was for pounds.. how naive of me) and in jest, suggested that it's probably a bad idea to start. I'm actually at the very beginning (as in, I'm a whole day in) of a 10 week poker 'hiatus'. It's predominately down to varying internal / external factors, but as is the nature of poker, I very much consider myself to be on what's known as a 'downswing'. The nature of the game is such that sometimes even when you're playing well; there's nothing you can do about the cards that fall. I've been thinking about taking a break for a few weeks given my lacklustre performance last season at the Nag's Head in Welling. If anyone wants to play recreational poker on a Tuesday night for a mere £5, I recommend it. Once you settle in after a couple of weeks and everyone realises that you're not a melodramatic, egotistical arsehole (in my case, I've been accepted as such; so you've got a pretty high tolerance threshold when I'm in there), it's a great atmosphere with a mix of playing styles, abilities, ages and sometimes genders; although it is (as is the nature of the game) always going to be a predominantly male environment. However, my decision was confirmed after a ridiculously bad night at The Empire.
I had last Saturday off work and nothing planned for Friday night (very unlike me), so thanks to Nathan's generosity and faith in my game, I headed up to meet him in Central London for what would eventually turn out to be an 8 hour session, having planned for only half of that. The night started pretty 'meh' on all accounts and I'd topped up after an hour or so of being in there, switched on my game and started picking spots with a solid read on most of my opponents on the table. Coming up for about 1.30am I'd spun up something like a £450 profit and was contemplating cashing out, naturally sitting in for another round or two to avoid the indecency of taking a huge percentage of someone's stack and then leaving the table; effectively devoiding them the opportunity of winning anything back and reducing the amount of cash on the table. This will be the only hand I explain on this blog (I'd hope) to demonstrate the variance in poker and the brutal reality of the game sometimes. If anyone that plays far more than I do wants to comment on the hand; please do (@freddie_baxter on Twitter).
I'm on the button with 99 (suits are irrelevant), with 3-4 limpers before me so there's ~£12 in the pot. I raise pre-flop to £21 (generally acceptable in the Empire given that a lot of the players on a Friday night have been out for work drinks and are looking to throw lots of money your way.. that and I'm £450 up). The big blind (BB) is the only caller as the rest of the table folds round.
The flop is an absolute dream; 3 9 J rainbow.
I've just flopped the second nuts with the only hand beating me being JJ, very unlikely that the BB doesn't 3-bet this pre, even out of position (OOP) against my button range. Being the tender age of 23 I'm considered to be 'one of those internet kids', so we have a pretty loose, aggressive reputation. So be it.
The BB check / calls my bet of £38; he doesn't have much in this spot other than JX, 33 or QT. I bet big to price his draws and extract max value from a very solid holding; against JX (his most likely), I'm a huge 96% favourite to win the hand. That's just about as good as it gets.
The turn is a pretty bad card if I consider QT a part of his range.. Kd, also bringing a diamond flush draw. Again, the BB check / calls my bet of £84. I think if he's just turned the straight, two pair or any hand that beats an overpair / AK, he's raising here for value considering he's out of position on the river. I actually improve; I'm 100% against any Jx that's not J9, J3 or JK; and I'm a 96% favourite against any of those hands.
The river falls another K. The BB checks to me again and I fire a value bet of £180; the one thing he does is what I'm not expecting. He attempts to shove his entire stack in, but manages to mess up and the dealer calls it a min-raise. I've still got more behind, but suddenly his call / call / shove line makes no sense, except for one hand. I call off the extra £180 and I see the one hand I really don't want to see; KJ.
The guy goes from a mere 10% chance of winning, down to 4%, to 100%. That is the nature of poker, and left a steaming £503 hole in my stack. So much for that four hour profit.
Ironically, just as I wrote this part, Nathan text me the following;
"You'll like this one. I've got AA utg in a straddle. I make it 27, one caller (massive fish, bad player) from the SB, flop Q72, he checks, I bet 35, he raises to 70, I raise to 160, he shoves for 750, I snap. He has JJ. He hits runner runner quads. 1.5k pot... :/"
Horrible game; isn't it?
Most poker players will always stress over their bad runs as opposed to their positive ones. I blogged before about the Nottingham trip in which I was over £1k in profit from the Friday night; so obviously the potential highs speak for themselves.
So, back to that tweet..
On my original point; I advised the world of twitter not to get involved in poker which is actually a really negative outlook. The game can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. I won't enter the debate about gambling / skill / luck as convincing anyone from outside the poker spectrum will either fail to understand, or choose not to. I don't participate in sports betting and I'm generally pretty effective at avoiding the lure of roulette wheels and blackjack tables.
Poker however is very much a thinking man (or woman)'s game; there's so many levels upon levels which new players can't even begin to appreciate until they experience the game in depth. I still consider myself very much an amateur as a break-even player over the past few years; although I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had, nor the people I've met through poker for anything. Besides that, I'm sure there will come a time I'll pull off a miraculous tournament win to put a deposit on a flat at least. It's all in the grand plan.
On a more serious note; poker is a fantastic hobby if you can exercise the powers of self-control and set yourself limits. On a social level, having anything between 4-10 people around a table with a few drinks and just a few quid between friends is the recipe for a fun and fantastic night. On a professional level? You get the benefits of avoiding tax and choosing the hours you want to work; but I'd suggest working up a huge sample before you even think about that option.
I've now got ten weeks to fill with doing awesome stuff that doesn't involve cards; suggestions welcome!
Friday, 18 May 2012
Waffle.
Ever had that feeling in which you just need to write down and reflect, with no specific intention, motive nor reason?
I've just discovered one of those moments and it's precisely why the title reads as it does; waffle. I have no idea what I want to talk about, I can't think of any insightful advice or passionate opinion, so I'll just write, and I guess that means you're invited to read!
You know, I really hate that question you're always asked when you see someone that you don't see that often.. "So, what have you been upto?".. There's only one question that tops it; "Still in Burton?" - the answer's still yes. Except I work for Dorothy Perkins too. Funnily enough, that's almost the answer to the initial question. "Work, paintball, poker, driving pissheads (we'll call them friends from this point on) home"... and undoubtedly I've gone no more than a 3-week stretch with at least one visit to Pure.
The worst thing is? I always find myself asking that question too! It's such a mundane yet easy opener for someone you know, to the point I almost find it easier talking to strangers. Little bit backwards but hey ho!
Regardless, what *have* I done for the past month?
Giving up smoking. Literally harder than ever.. I did it a few years ago when I was in a relationship with a non-smoker; not for her as she never asked; but it just didn't sit right with me. Giving up was easy then, almost too easy. Either that or life was far less stressful and consuming in comparison to how it is now.
I took the option not to make a big deal about my giving up as I did on New Years because in a realistic sense, I'm well aware there's a very significant failure rate as far as I'm concerned. Breaking any sort of habit is incredibly difficult and I allow myself too many bad influences (you know who you are) around me which makes it even more challenging. Don't get me wrong, I've smoked more than I've intended, predominately on nights out; but I've probably smoked say ~40 cigs in the past month, equivalent to just over two per day. Considering I'd easily do anywhere between 8-20 a day (depending what day it was), I see it as a huge achievement and I'm not ashamed to say I'm quite proud of myself for it.
Alongside this, I've been running far more frequently. If you've seen the pale legs sticking out from the generic black running outfit in Hall Place of an evening; I apologise for any offence my whiter-than-white pins may have caused. To the girl that whistled once.. Hi ;).
Enough of that. On a more negative note, I haven't been tracking my runs and therefore not keeping a record of my distance / times and how I've improved. This is a mistake, in honesty, and I intend to rectify it by the end of the month. I've also convinced my old dear to come running at least one night a week, so for any of you with a liking toward 60something married women of two.. Please remove yourselves from my Facebook. Thanks.
Drinking! This one I find a lot easier than smoking; I've had hardly anything that even constitutes 'a drink' in the past month and it's almost to the point I have no recollection of what hangovers feel like. Bet you're all jealous. Rich has sort of joined me on this one too; he already had one up with the no-smoking considering he never started but I think he felt he was slacking. That and he does plenty of MMA. Drunk fighters don't win much.
Paintball and poker being two things close to my heart (there are things closer, don't worry), I seem to have got them confused.
At the end of last season, I said I'd be giving up paintball for at least a year (think i explained this in an earlier blog).. Yet in the past month I've played the whole of one event and a few games of the one just gone after agreeing to coach for my team.
The first event went really well; it's the first time we chose to completely ignore the scoreboards given we have a few new players in the squad; just try to integrate them, have fun and enjoy the sport. Turns out, it came down to the last game for a podium finish. Pleased to say I pulled off one of my finer performances (I can only think of two specific games I'd played better in previous) to overturn a 3-on-1 situation and make sure we placed third. It was nice coming back to a 'one off' and coming back with a trophy.
The event weekend just gone wasn't quite as smooth however.. Stormed the first game, lost the next three and then went on to steady the ship. Couldn't turn it round though and missed out on third by something like 40 points; shame, but not the end of the world.
Poker on the other hand, I haven't been playing nearly as much as I was at the back end of last year and earlier this year. Since Nottingham I've been on what I can only describe as a downswing. I set aside Bank Holiday weekend for a £40 charity event which saw my departure in pretty shocking fashion. With 77 on 7c4c2d I got it in against TT.. The board ran out another two clubs for his flush at odds of 26-1.. Lovely! Think I lumped something like £30-40 at a worthwhile charity though (LittleBuds) so it was a pretty productive day. Nice to see a relatively large poker 'community' turn out too and bodes well for future events.
I've written this whole thing on my phone and haven't read back over it, so I'm expecting plenty of spelling errors (iPhones are handy like that) and wrong words in the wrong places.
So yeh; don't think I did much other than talk complete waffle? Said I would, so if you're still reading, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it all the same.
I'll be sure to come up with something inspiring and generally awesome next time. Until then.. :)
I've just discovered one of those moments and it's precisely why the title reads as it does; waffle. I have no idea what I want to talk about, I can't think of any insightful advice or passionate opinion, so I'll just write, and I guess that means you're invited to read!
You know, I really hate that question you're always asked when you see someone that you don't see that often.. "So, what have you been upto?".. There's only one question that tops it; "Still in Burton?" - the answer's still yes. Except I work for Dorothy Perkins too. Funnily enough, that's almost the answer to the initial question. "Work, paintball, poker, driving pissheads (we'll call them friends from this point on) home"... and undoubtedly I've gone no more than a 3-week stretch with at least one visit to Pure.
The worst thing is? I always find myself asking that question too! It's such a mundane yet easy opener for someone you know, to the point I almost find it easier talking to strangers. Little bit backwards but hey ho!
Regardless, what *have* I done for the past month?
Giving up smoking. Literally harder than ever.. I did it a few years ago when I was in a relationship with a non-smoker; not for her as she never asked; but it just didn't sit right with me. Giving up was easy then, almost too easy. Either that or life was far less stressful and consuming in comparison to how it is now.
I took the option not to make a big deal about my giving up as I did on New Years because in a realistic sense, I'm well aware there's a very significant failure rate as far as I'm concerned. Breaking any sort of habit is incredibly difficult and I allow myself too many bad influences (you know who you are) around me which makes it even more challenging. Don't get me wrong, I've smoked more than I've intended, predominately on nights out; but I've probably smoked say ~40 cigs in the past month, equivalent to just over two per day. Considering I'd easily do anywhere between 8-20 a day (depending what day it was), I see it as a huge achievement and I'm not ashamed to say I'm quite proud of myself for it.
Alongside this, I've been running far more frequently. If you've seen the pale legs sticking out from the generic black running outfit in Hall Place of an evening; I apologise for any offence my whiter-than-white pins may have caused. To the girl that whistled once.. Hi ;).
Enough of that. On a more negative note, I haven't been tracking my runs and therefore not keeping a record of my distance / times and how I've improved. This is a mistake, in honesty, and I intend to rectify it by the end of the month. I've also convinced my old dear to come running at least one night a week, so for any of you with a liking toward 60something married women of two.. Please remove yourselves from my Facebook. Thanks.
Drinking! This one I find a lot easier than smoking; I've had hardly anything that even constitutes 'a drink' in the past month and it's almost to the point I have no recollection of what hangovers feel like. Bet you're all jealous. Rich has sort of joined me on this one too; he already had one up with the no-smoking considering he never started but I think he felt he was slacking. That and he does plenty of MMA. Drunk fighters don't win much.
Paintball and poker being two things close to my heart (there are things closer, don't worry), I seem to have got them confused.
At the end of last season, I said I'd be giving up paintball for at least a year (think i explained this in an earlier blog).. Yet in the past month I've played the whole of one event and a few games of the one just gone after agreeing to coach for my team.
The first event went really well; it's the first time we chose to completely ignore the scoreboards given we have a few new players in the squad; just try to integrate them, have fun and enjoy the sport. Turns out, it came down to the last game for a podium finish. Pleased to say I pulled off one of my finer performances (I can only think of two specific games I'd played better in previous) to overturn a 3-on-1 situation and make sure we placed third. It was nice coming back to a 'one off' and coming back with a trophy.
The event weekend just gone wasn't quite as smooth however.. Stormed the first game, lost the next three and then went on to steady the ship. Couldn't turn it round though and missed out on third by something like 40 points; shame, but not the end of the world.
Poker on the other hand, I haven't been playing nearly as much as I was at the back end of last year and earlier this year. Since Nottingham I've been on what I can only describe as a downswing. I set aside Bank Holiday weekend for a £40 charity event which saw my departure in pretty shocking fashion. With 77 on 7c4c2d I got it in against TT.. The board ran out another two clubs for his flush at odds of 26-1.. Lovely! Think I lumped something like £30-40 at a worthwhile charity though (LittleBuds) so it was a pretty productive day. Nice to see a relatively large poker 'community' turn out too and bodes well for future events.
I've written this whole thing on my phone and haven't read back over it, so I'm expecting plenty of spelling errors (iPhones are handy like that) and wrong words in the wrong places.
So yeh; don't think I did much other than talk complete waffle? Said I would, so if you're still reading, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it all the same.
I'll be sure to come up with something inspiring and generally awesome next time. Until then.. :)
Sunday, 22 April 2012
Checking in with reality..
So I'm writing this purely for my own benefit and I guess those that read it will be those that take time out themselves to check this blog rather than clicking on a FB / twitter link because they're bored..
After an incredibly productive day in taking third at the Southern Masters Paintball and settling for second at The George for a fiver short of first place; I took the time to reflect on the past few months. I made a passing comment to Rich along the lines of "I'm not quite sure where I've been going wrong recently.." then had one of those eureka moments where everything makes sense. Naturally, I figured this blog was the best place to get it off my chest.
I like to believe (and I'm sure I have critics on both sides) that I'm a pretty dab hand at giving advice across a wide variety of subjects; be it work, relationships, friendships, poker, paintball or those niggling life decisions that you need an external opinion on.. My problem with this..?
I've failed to take my own advice on more than one occasion. I've been in many situations recently in which i should've taken an objective view and discover the answers, but failed to do so and ultimately paid the price in one way or another.
Without being too specific; I've been far too content with being second best, a stop-gap or just a temporary fulfilment to people without really considering what's best for me in both the short and long term. I generally look to be the best I can be.. For someone else.
Selfless and egotistically satisfying? Maybe. But as it goes on; I've never really made it my priority to be honest with myself about what's best for me, and realistically, that's more important than anything else. I don't think it's wrong to "look out for number one" and infact, I think it's actually incredibly healthy.
When your expectations are high, you have to accept there will be several disappointments so you can really appreciate the penultimate taste of success. Besides; how can you determine what's truly the best thing for you if there aren't pitfalls on the way?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
It's an ancient Chinese proverb that I'm sure the large majority of those reading this will have heard; yet I've only just come to truly understand it.
So my parting advice to anyone that reads this, and indeed myself?
Live life for yourself. Share it with those that don't take you for granted; but truly appreciate how fortunate they are to have you.
After an incredibly productive day in taking third at the Southern Masters Paintball and settling for second at The George for a fiver short of first place; I took the time to reflect on the past few months. I made a passing comment to Rich along the lines of "I'm not quite sure where I've been going wrong recently.." then had one of those eureka moments where everything makes sense. Naturally, I figured this blog was the best place to get it off my chest.
I like to believe (and I'm sure I have critics on both sides) that I'm a pretty dab hand at giving advice across a wide variety of subjects; be it work, relationships, friendships, poker, paintball or those niggling life decisions that you need an external opinion on.. My problem with this..?
I've failed to take my own advice on more than one occasion. I've been in many situations recently in which i should've taken an objective view and discover the answers, but failed to do so and ultimately paid the price in one way or another.
Without being too specific; I've been far too content with being second best, a stop-gap or just a temporary fulfilment to people without really considering what's best for me in both the short and long term. I generally look to be the best I can be.. For someone else.
Selfless and egotistically satisfying? Maybe. But as it goes on; I've never really made it my priority to be honest with myself about what's best for me, and realistically, that's more important than anything else. I don't think it's wrong to "look out for number one" and infact, I think it's actually incredibly healthy.
When your expectations are high, you have to accept there will be several disappointments so you can really appreciate the penultimate taste of success. Besides; how can you determine what's truly the best thing for you if there aren't pitfalls on the way?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
It's an ancient Chinese proverb that I'm sure the large majority of those reading this will have heard; yet I've only just come to truly understand it.
So my parting advice to anyone that reads this, and indeed myself?
Live life for yourself. Share it with those that don't take you for granted; but truly appreciate how fortunate they are to have you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
