Oh shi.. I'm almost thirty!

So if you read the title and thought 'Hey, that's me..', well, this one's for you!

Naturally we associate with friends that get 'us', right? Our peers that are considered on our level with similar interests and a lot of commonalities. You're all the same sort of age, you probably frequent the same pubs and clubs, live in similar sort of areas and have an understanding of where each of you came from - and where you want to go.

There's nothing that bugs me more than seeing endless reports on the news, social media and the like about how the youth of today is struggling moreso than our parents did, how different things are and how the gap is widening in socio-economic perceptions. Rarely do we see positive news about what we have going for us; what we have achieved and what, quite frankly, we can achieve. The glass is always half empty on the media front, leading to a pessimistic outlook as opposed to a positive expectation for our futures. Hopefully this will challenge some of your perceptions and you'll wake up tomorrow with a fresh idea on what you can change to make things happen.

I'm too busy... but I know precisely what's going on in Eastenders...

Too often we wish away the time we've got. We never find time for things because we're "too busy". We can't ever "make time" because making time is impossible, right? Perhaps not...

I've had to learn a lot of pretty intense lessons in the past few months. I've turned 25 and with it entered a new career that has developed my character and completely changed my responsibilities. Six months ago I was somewhat responsible for looking after a catalogue of thirty or so HGV drivers in the Eastern part of Kent, yet I now see anywhere between 8-15 clients per week, each of them at least three times each in guiding them through the mortgage process from start to finish. If you can't quite work out what I'm getting at; I manage my time far more effectively because time is precious, and if you'll excuse the cliché - time is money. If any of my former colleagues are reading this I guess I owe you an apology because I undoubtedly wasn't working as hard as I could've been!

Make every minute of your professional and personal lives count. Time is a too precious a commodity to be wasted, twiddling your thumbs and thinking to yourself "there must be something better out there for me". If there is; you'd be better off spending your time finding it.

Do what you love, and love what you do.

I entirely appreciate that there's incredibly few jobs in the world that just about everyone would enjoy doing. There's only 20 teams in the Premier League and although I'm completely making these numbers up, it's pretty safe to assume somewhere in the region of 80% of men would consider playing professional football for a living given the lifestyle it provides and less than 1% of those are actually in such a position. Equally, I've only read one news story on a woman that gets to test the Ann Summers catalogue pre-sale, and I'm sure there's a lot more women in the world that wouldn't consider it a bad job! (Tongue in cheek ladies, try not to take offence!)

That said, I'm incredibly confident that if you spoke to anyone considered 'successful' in their profession; they would be genuinely honest in enjoying what they do for a living. We often make the mistake of forgetting that we're so, so, early on in our careers. Chances are we'll be working up to somewhere between 65-70.. I've got at least 40 years left to carve out what I want from life; and you're no different. I haven't even been alive for 40 years which speaks volumes in itself, but I don't plan on resting on my laurels and waiting for success to land in my lap. I can't win a lottery I never play and despite the amount of hours I put in to my poker game, realistically, can't see myself turning up to the World Series and taking home a $13million payday. Not any day soon anyway.

If you're not as happy as you could be, then be honest with yourself and find something that will work for you. Lamenting in the same office everyday that fails to inspire you means you'll never discover nor strive to achieve your full potential. Don't be afraid to re-train - the harder you graft in the short term makes life a lot easier in the long run.

You're only young; but there's no harm in starting early.

When it's time to move on..

What an insane, slightly ridiculous yet exhilarating few weeks its been. Sometimes I leave it a little too long between blogs and feel like I have to cram too much in to really elaborate on what's been happening, delving into the conversations I've had and the situations I've been in. It's safe to say, there have been almost too many changes going on recently, but all for the best, so I guess now is as good a time as any to elaborate.

Moving On To Pastures New

Undoubtedly the biggest decision I've made recently was leaving Swanstaff after being approached by someone (my new boss, ironically enough) regarding Mortgage Broking. Apparently it's an industry that requires a strong grasp of figures, a spoonful of empathy and buckets of charisma; naturally I'm flattered that they were recognised during a Thursday night session at the poker table!

Before I elaborate on the new job, I'd like to tip my hat to Swanstaff. Having no real previous experience in recruitment from my time with Arcadia, it was a slight risk in taking me on in the first place. Apparently winking at the interviewer wasn't the best idea on first impression but hey, a little over a year later and I'd like to think I've walked away with bridges firmly intact and a couple of friends for a long, long time. Without my time at Swan, it's safe to say I would never have the opportunities I do now; and I'll forever be grateful. If any of you are reading this - sincerely, thank you for all of your support throughout my time and I wish you all the best be it with Swan or elsewhere. Everyone in the company has the potential to be largely successful - hope you realise that.

So, after a week off I ventured off to Sidcup for my first day with Mann Countrywide. The new Regional Manager has been busy putting together a new team of Mortgage Consultants since his appointment (and return to the company) in July this year, so naturally it's an incredibly exciting time to become part of it. Most of the branches have seen different consultants split their time between branches, which in turn has led to inconsistency and a huge opportunity to make a real difference in the area dynamic. Having met two of the new starters on the back of their 5-week training programme which I'll be starting next week, its really interesting to see the various influences and backgrounds that are forming the team. Safe to say the one thing we have in common is a demanding ambition to perform and a hunger to succeed. I can't express enough how excited I am to meet the rest of the team on Thursday and start turning meetings into mortgages come November. I've set myself some financially related goals in direct correlation to my position which I won't reveal on here, but it's something positive to define my successes by.

And Re-Discovering Ventures Once Forgotten

Going back a few years, my social life was pretty entwined with my relationship - the social circle just 'fit' as a collection of couples and mates - safe to say I've had my funniest and quite frankly filthiest nights with them (anyone remember Matter at the O2? Mess...) However circumstances changed and with the ending of my relationship, the group dynamic wasn't the same and I moved on. Recently, there's been some old faces and slipping back into their company has been easier than I'd ever considered. Given more than half of them are heavily involved in fitness, weight training and the slightly more extreme, cage fighting - it's given me a new incentive, drive and ambition to really take note of something I've always preached: you can never be anyone else, forever be your best self.

In a few short months it's become somewhat a reality, the concept of joining them at Tough Mudder / Spartan Races over the next year or so. It'll be hard graft, but there's nothing more rewarding than waking up the morning after an intense session with a burning sensation running searing through your limbs, yet feeling like you can conquer whatever challenge wants to step in front of you for the day. In more ways than one I feel like I'm taking on several efforts, not to change who I am, but to improve who I am. There's nothing better than the support of those around you in doing the same - and there's never a time I don't look forward to taking on something that's quite simply, designed to break me.


Less Diary..

Ok not just yet! I planned on writing a peace about ambition, believing in yourself and making the most of opportunity but I've been ridiculously tied up with learning material relating to CeMAP, mortgages and insurances (as below.. It's a *lot* of reading) so it wouldn't get my full attention. Definitely something I've got a lot to say about though so I'll save it for next week when I haven't got an exam waiting for me in the morning!

Until then...

A Day to Remember

I don't think I've ever really appreciated what it would mean to me to see my brother getting married. Not being religious I always saw it as a 'process' of sorts, almost devoid of any real meaning, and almost always more important for the bride than what it would be to the groom.

Safe to say, Sunday 25th August 2013 was the day that changed.

I think Ben was incredibly clever, and I was pretty lucky that he met, fell in love with and married Gem. She prepared pretty much everything for the wedding and left me with the tidying up to do alongside the organising everyone on the day - including distracting Ben when she turned up at the venue early. I'll openly admit even I was a little choked when she stepped out of the green VW camper (a very personal touch, kudos Gem) in her custom-made dress, Father of the Bride in tow beaming with pride.

Before all of that however, I was actually rather relaxed. I'd made a point of not once asking Ben how he was feeling, opting to keep him upbeat, smiling and laughing - a plan well executed until Dad decided to question Ben about every minor detail merely two hours before the ceremony. To be fair I had a few choice words for him before departing, and it wasn't long before the photographers had several shots of anything and everything from our pocket squares, cufflinks and the pre-ceremonial cigarette for the nerves that were finally starting to kick in.

Guests started arriving and naturally, as the best man, most of my time was spent meeting and greeting relatives from both families, close friends and ushering them towards the bar. I was still on a strict alcohol ban (not that it stopped us the night before...), quite disappointed to say I've never turned away so many offers of a drink! As Gem arrived, everyone had begun filtering in to the ceremonial conservatory, the registrar has been through our duties as Groom & Best Man, so we waiting eagerly at the front for the Bride's official arrival.

Despite my calm demeanour, Gem entered the room on her father's arm, greeted by a harmonious drawing of breath with nods of approval and it certainly wasn't long before a couple of guests started with the tears. At this point, nerves probably got the best of everyone with some form of duty on the day; Ben's face had lit up as the registrar began the ceremony and it wasn't long before Gem was giggling.. despite the seriousness of the occasion it lifted the room and the atmosphere suited such a spirited couple. It wasn't long before I was on my feet again to hand over the rings, at which point my hands decided to shudder - naturally it was only the most significant 'official' role of the Best Man. Thankfully I held it together, the rings made it into the not-any-safer hands of the Bride and Groom, so I took my seat again. The formalities continued, the guests kept up the tears and Ben was still smiling throughout. Simply put, the occasion was quite frankly, beautiful.

After pictures within the conservatory, everyone filtered out into the garden for their first champagne flutes, plenty of hugging, well-wishing and so on.. unfortunately behind the scenes, the Best Man is then scampering around picking up different groups of people for different photo requirements and so on. It sounds simple but I don't think I've been as stressed in a long while! I didn't need reminding either, but it was pointed out at every opportunity that the next big thing for me to do, was the speech. Specifically, the one I'd written on Saturday morning. Nothing like preparation eh?

So again, rounding everyone up and having them seated upstairs for the meal, champagne was served and before long, the first glass was tapped to introduce the Father of the Bride. Glynn had obviously had his speech well prepared as he delivered exceptionally, kindly pointing out that he didn't need to be charming or witty given that was my job - talk about a tough act to follow. Ben expressed his thanks in a short piece and then it dawned on me. I hadn't had the slightest bit of nerve about delivering a speech to ~50 or so people, but in taking a sip of the bubbly infront of me, standing and turning to address the audience - nerves were nothing short of overwhelming.

As if it wasn't bad enough, Dad was on hand to capture the moment from the most flattering angle, and in turn I'm opening myself up by sharing it on here. In hindsight, I'm generally pleased with the message I was trying to convey and to see it lasted 4 minutes felt like a pretty reasonable time! Having watched the video myself a couple of times, I've also become acutely aware that I stroke my nose when I'm nervous and trying to avoid just reading off of a sheet leads to a lot of 'erms' when you can't remember precisely where you're supposed to be picking up from again. Anyway, enough rambling, enjoy...

I'm pleased to say that following the meal (which was exquisite and I'd highly recommend eating there to anyone in T.Wells), the reception went off without a hitch and I struggled through several glasses of wine, countless JD & Cokes with an interesting mix of Jager and Skittlebombs until gone midnight.

As soon as the professional photo's come back, I'll either add them here or link to FB and hopefully expand on details about the venue and so on.

Hope your Bank Holiday weekends were as eventful as mine!

Follow your...

I recently found myself in conversation about this blog and the direction it was being taken in. Initially I set it up on the back of my 2012 New Years Resolutions (probably best forgotten about, given I can't for the life of me remember what they were, and I don't intend on shaming myself!) but it kind of progressed as an online diary of sorts which wasn't the objective. Infact, the objective was pretty much undecided and it just developed naturally, but I did find myself under the criticism that although some of my posts really challenged people and gave them food for thought - my latter ones, much less so. With that in mind and on the back of recent events, I figured I'd write something a little more 'challenging', at least I'd hope so.

For anyone that hasn't come across LinkedIn's influencer posts; they're generally written by successful, established businessmen and women, including the likes of Richard Branson, James Caan and anyone from the realms of recruitment, entrepreneurism (I don't think that's a word but bear with me) and secure, global businesses. There's a wealth of material to read, no matter your interests. I highly recommend checking it out, and when you read something you can really relate to - follow the influencer. No doubt they'll have a lot more to say on topics later on.

As for this blog, I wanted to address a couple of issues I've come across recently, be it within my social circle, career or whatever else. Hopefully you'll take something from it!


Honesty is the best policy; always has been, always will be

All too often I see people trying to dig themselves out of holes they shouldn't be anywhere near in the first place. Society has drawn itself into the terrible habit of not considering other people's reactions or feelings and thus the consequences behind their actions.. worse still, there are some that completely appreciate all of the above, yet don't care. I'm pretty sure most women would agree this is a fatal flaw predominantly linked to men; although I certainly wouldn't say they're not capable of it too.

I previously mentioned How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carniege, and re-visited it on my week off last week. One of the earliest chapters is so relevant to this topic. Readers are challenged to consider how they treat others, from how they speak directly to people and also about people. When someone does something differently to how we would do it, or perhaps 'wrong', we're very quick to judge and criticise when in reality; it would be far more effective to find positives in what they have done, and how they can improve going forward. I still catch myself being overly critical and counter-productive on occasion but if it's a method you adopt with a honest and genuine approach - both you and the other party will feel much better in both the short and long term. This is particularly relevant in a working environment, so naturally, let's look at the personal side.

Friendships and relationships are built on the foundation of trust. Ironically, it's incredibly similar to recruitment in terms of being so difficult to establish initially, yet incredibly easy to lose in the blink of an eye. It only takes so many niggling, harmless lies to accumulate the point in which someone can come to completely distrust you; feeling let down, offended and disappointed. People make mistakes, often on a daily basis - but the best means of remedying them is to have accountability for your actions, accepting you've done wrong and making an apology for it. Sweeping things under the carpet or hiding them in a catalogue of lies will never achieve a positive resolution. Taking responsibility is the harder option of the two, but ultimately the most rewarding.

You don't always need a reason to do something

Recently I made the point that doing the right thing doesn't require thinking about. You do it, because it's the right thing to do. Instinct is a powerful tool and often the driving force behind more of our positive actions than negative. In emergency situations, no matter who's involved, I imagine most people will do what they think is best at a risk to their own safety for the benefit of another individual. I was directed to a group on Facebook called The Motivational and it wasn't long before I began to appreciate the content. They released a video in which apparent strangers threw themselves onto train tracks to save people that seemingly had no idea where they were, run under escalators to catch falling toddlers and demonstrate exceptionally quick reactions to save dogs from rising elevators.

Sometimes there quite simply isn't time to digest, analyse and dissect a situation - simply doing the right thing doesn't require thinking about, nor should it. Similarly, you don't always need a reason or an ulterior motive to text / ring someone. Saying hi for the sake of it can pick up people when they're down, because it's nice to know that someone somewhere, is thinking of you. Being a little spontaneous and a little bit thoughtful 'just because' can really make a difference. Try it.

Learn something new every day

This is something I definitely didn't appreciate not so long ago. Like many others, I always thought the monotony of school, scripted lessons and the act of being 'taught' was a part of my life I couldn't wait to get away from. I had that phase of long, boring days at work, wishing I was sat back in a classroom with my mates - certainly something you don't have the pleasure of every day when you're working, but then started to reflect on what it actually meant to be working.

Essentially, every day that you don't learn something is a day wasted. Everyone at the very top of their profession who may seem to have nothing left to prove, nothing left to achieve, would probably tell you that there's never one little thing they don't do differently on a day by day basis. Success is marginal. The difference between the great and exceptional is the finest of adjustments - being out of bed before the alarm rings, not having that 'cheeky pint', the sort of differences that the large majority of people will never appreciate, and the precise reason why they will never be the very best in their field.

Learning should be enlightening, ambitious and proactive. You don't have to learn something truly significant every day, but every day learning a little might just make enough of a difference across your lifetime.

Express yourself

Being open and unguarded without a sense of rationality is foolish. Being too open is often condemned. Yet being emotionally shut off is detrimental and destructive, not only to yourself but also those around you, and those closest. We're often guilty of assuming that we'll be approached about the frown we're sporting and expect everyone to know what's going on - after all, we've probably been moaning about it for a little while. In reality, it's easier for everyone to avoid confrontation and probe into the reasons we're not quite feeling ourselves; for them to uncover our issues could be a recipe for disaster, especially when they're not aware just how far the rabbit hole goes.

I'm pretty sure everyone has some form of outlet, be it a best friend, a partner, a parent, mentor or diary. It's not a sign of weakness to have some kind of dependant. In reality, there's probably someone else, if not the same person, that depends on you to pick them up during the difficult times. In relationships particularly, if trust is a foundation - what is a relationship in which you can't be open with your partner? One to be reconsidered perhaps... 


Follow your head? Or your heart...

I found this to be a really interesting concept and given it some thought. Initially, I always thought I was firm believer in following your heart, given that to succeed at anything requires passion, dedication and perseverance. Without heart, you'll never find the drive to keep pushing yourself for the sake of something you believe in.

To spin this theory on it's head however - would you carry on doing the same thing day in, day out, if it meant you were struggling to live the life you wanted? Ultimately, logic plays a huge part in how you conduct yourself and progress in terms of a career. There's no point in ignoring logic for the principle of always being 'true' to yourself, because you'll forever hinder your progression without being able to exert yourself in your chosen field.

That said, perhaps there's an argument for putting logic to one side when it comes to relationships. It's often claimed that you can never choose how you feel, or who you feel it for. In this instance, letting go of something that means you might not make the most logical decision could be almost unfaithful to yourself.

In closing, the logic / emotion conundrum is difficult to judge. Those that are emotionally driven may miss spotting opportunities for progression and a smoother ride to success, yet those that rely too heavily on logic risk fulfilling their full potential for happiness. Consider how balanced you are, and maybe take a moment to sway the other way.

Hope you enjoyed..

Life is easy...

... until you let emotions get involved.

If you're reading this, I guess you chose to given I decided against sharing it like I usually do.

So I've had a pretty weird week to reflect on. I caught up with a couple of people I haven't seen in a long time, had a pretty significant achievement to note which I'll go into at a later date. It's been rounded off with one of my favourite films; Hitch. Naturally sooner or later I ended up thinking about far too much and it culminated in a plethora of thoughts that I'll express here.

When I was younger, a good friend of mine introduced me to a community, a philosophy and a structure relating to social interaction and how we develop friendships, relationships and whatever else we want from those around us, or indeed those we want around us.

At first, it was a revelation. Like anything with a multitude of levels, I took an interest in it and put the theories into practice. In honesty, I achieved more than I could have ever have expected and thought I'd found a place in which I was incredibly happy - my social circles grew, I was far more confident than I ever considered I could be and the only thing I wasn't content with, was my job.

Nine months down the line, I've found myself in a career that I'm passionate about with opportunities to progress moreso than I ever had previously. This week I was presented with the chance to step up to a consultant role in Chelmsford. It's my first real challenge, which will allow me to demonstrate my abilities and become a real reflection on what I've learnt and how to apply myself to my own desk. I'm incredibly confident, slightly anxious and beyond excited to get started at the earliest opportunity - there's work to be done and rewards to be had at the end of it.

So, with the job in line, being the only thing I wasn't entirely satisfied with, you could safely assume I'm on tip top form without a care in the world...

Unfortunately, circumstances change. With relevance to the title, on paper, everything is going well. Beneath the surface however; everything I studied, learnt, analysed and developed kind of fell apart. My social circles are still as they have been, I still meet new people on a regular basis, still have the same close friends I've always considered as such, but emotions certainly got in the way.

I've always been a firm believer in following your heart over your head. When it goes well, there's no better feeling; the euphoria is almost indescribable and despite the lows being almost unbearable at the worst of times; you struggle through them because you know coming out the other side is better than you've ever experienced before. Sometimes your head is frustrating to the point of telling you that everything isn't as it should be; or not quite what you want. Suddenly things aren't as simple as they should be because what you feel is clouding what you think. Perhaps however, it should be considered the other way round.

Back to Hitch, and a quote or two I want to end on..

"Because thats what people do... they leap and hope to God they can fly! Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock... wondering the whole way down..."why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am..."

Perhaps more relevantly?

"When you're wondering what to say or how you look, just remember, she's already out with you. That means she said yes when she could have said no. That means she made a plan when she could have just blown you off. So that means it's no longer your job to make her like you. It's your job not to mess it up."

Identifying your mistakes is the first step to rectifying them. How to do that exactly? Well, I'm working on it.

Inspiration

Those closest to me, and some of those a little further away could tell you a few key things about me.
    1. I'm terrible with money. The more I earn, the more ways I find to spend it unnecessarily.
    2. I like using fairly complicated words when occasion calls for it and I tend to develop insightful phrases at every given opportunity.
    3. I'm incredibly opinionated, expressive, challenging and generally unmanageable. Decidedly unapologetic too.

I touched on my last blog about having people in my life that I find inspirational and that I'm quite lucky in the sense that I have them in abundance. After a lengthy conversation with a friend of mine about her career prospects, ambitions and goals; I found myself immersed in the topic of inspiration and ultimately decided that I'd share my thoughts.

What does 'inspiration' mean to you?

As part of my developing role at work, the question was put to me; 'What are your ambitions, how much will they cost you and what will you do to succeed?', followed by a simple spreadsheet prompting a response to what I want to have and what I want to do. The general feedback I had from others that had completed the same spreadsheet was an uplift in motivation and a sudden passion to begin performing to their maximum potential. Money is obviously a significant motivator, but somehow, I don't think it had the desired affect when I sat down to consider the possibilities.

In turn, this made me consider what it is that drives people to get out of bed, to go to work, to envision their future and to consistently develop themselves as people in order to get where they want to be and own everything they've ever dreamed of. Perhaps in my opening paragraph I should have listed number 4 to highlight my cynicism, but in reality, I don't think the two are strictly hand in hand.

I find it hard to define myself between the boundaries of optimism, pessimism and realism. I think I'm guilty of falling into all three categories dependant on how I'm feeling and what it is I'm contemplating at the time. When it comes to ambition however, I very much think I fall into what I'd consider the middle category, realism. Truth is, I have no real drive to spend endless hours immersed in scenic locations or to be photographed next to historic landmarks. It doesn't mean they're not things I wouldn't enjoy, because undoubtedly I would - but naturally, I could live without them.

My short term goals predominantly focus on clearing my debt, somewhat minimal yet also needless. It only exists due to excessive expenditure and poor money management, so ultimately, I have to refocus my finances and learn to make better financial decisions. Decisions that I should really stick to, because I've created multiple spreadsheets tracking my out-goings, prioritising my payments and precisely where I should be distributing my income. Unfortunately I'm heading towards the age in which I should be suitably independent; I know this, and I've probably known it for a few years now, yet I've failed to acknowledge it.

Following that, I want to be in a position to buy myself a new car, overhaul my wardrobe (far too many Burton tags still in there for my liking) and then reconsider my options going forward. In truth, my long term ambitions are probably relatively straightforward; marriage, kids, a comfortable home in a good area and so on. If that makes me distinctly average? So be it. I don't think there's ever been a price on happiness.

To be inspired is great, to inspire is incredible

Referring back to the discussion that got me onto this trail of thought...

The friend in question is already in a stable, well paid career, a happy relationship and looking to buy her second home. She asked my opinion given my recent position in recruitment regarding a change of career, possibly as a 'career break' but essentially without sacrificing her current salary, with interests in management, law and teaching - three fields in which she has little experience of and no formal qualifications in. Typically, you'd assume the barriers to entry are far too prominent to overcome, but I think this can be challenged. We're fortunate enough to be in the midst of a technological era in which social networking opens opportunities that wouldn't be available to us even ten years ago, possibly less. "If opportunity doesn't come knocking, build a door" - this couldn't be any more relevant than it is today. We live in a world in which we have opportunities to contact people across the world in any given industry.

Following this, she also expressed an interest in psychotherapy and hypnotism, to which a course was available for a reasonable yet not excessive fee. Doing this would give the opportunity to work for herself, and realistically? The financial rewards are limitless. Again, social media and 'viral' internet material opens the world to a whole host of clientèle to work with to the extent that selling anything is far more possible than it ever has been. In closing, I left her with the same sentiment that I'll end this blog with:

If you're passionate about it, you'd be silly not to do it.

If you were to do it and fail, you can at least be proud for chasing your dreams.

If you never even started, you'll forever rue what could have been.

I know which option I'd rather not have to live with.

I hope if you've taken the time to read this you'll at least consider what inspires you and how far you can explore your own potential.

Only a fool would ever give up on something worth fighting for..

I haven't written a blog since October 29th, 2012. I'm still struggling to work out if that's because I haven't needed some kind of outlet, motivation, direction... or I'm just getting a little bit more reserved. Maybe things would be better than they have been if I'd have written something sooner, who knows? That being said, things are far, far from bad, hence the blog.

The Wonderful World of Recruitment

So I've been in recruitment for just over seven months now and I honestly am yet to have a day I look back on and think "Why didn't I stay in retail..?". I've never been as disappointed, disheartened, frustrated or stressed in the same way I am by recruitment on almost a daily basis. The nature of the business is so unpredictable the old saying of "No day is ever the same" rings true more so than I've ever experienced previously. Fortunately a new challenge every day keeps me on my toes and having to deal with a multitude of personalities will never get boring. It's often said that sales people aren't in a 'real job', but the reality is that there's no successful business that didn't start by selling something, be it a product, a service or an idea. In a relatively short space of time; I think I've found a career with limitless opportunity, and for all of it's frustrations, an environment in which those that want to, will thrive more so than in any other industry.

So what does the future hold..?

Rome wasn't built in a day, nor was anyone's future defined in a moment. I recently sat one of the most difficult interviews I've ever undertaken (I've only had six in 24 years, so I didn't have much in terms of experience to rely on), and I probably couldn't think back to a time in which I've been more nervous. I'm sure when I stand up, mic in hand at my brother's wedding in August I'll feel something similar, but at least I'll be a little more prepared; or so I hope. After being subject to a line of questioning I really wasn't prepared for; what events in my childhood shaped who I am today? How would my best friends describe me and what examples could I give? How do I handle rejection?

Ironically they're all questions in place not so much for the answers themselves but rather how they're handled and the thought processes behind it. The interview was more a judge of character than it was extracting knowledge. Ultimately, I know I could've done better but in the same respect I've landed myself on a training course this week with a view to progression in the immediate future; I'm still a touch disappointed, sometimes 'doing enough' isn't quite as satisfactory as exceeding expectations.

Following the interview I had a lot of time to reflect, think and meditate (you read right). The latter is a new process; I often find myself too caught up in my own head and over thinking / analysing far too frequently. I was introduced to the idea two years ago but never really took it seriously until a culmination of suggestions, philosophies and ideologies tied everything together.

I've been incredibly lucky recently to have people around me that are quite frankly inspiring in their ambitions. I don't think I need to mention names, but to anyone that's given me insight whether it be relating to work, poker, relationships and friendships; thank you.

For anyone else that's interested in challenging their perceptions and improving their abilities in dealing with people, I can't do more than recommend "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carneige. I'm only a few chapters in but I've already found it incredibly influential and I'm sure my next blog will elaborate on how its affected me, and how it can help you.

Enjoy :)

A Piece on Online Dating

First things first, I want to say a sincere thank you to everyone that's been around for the past couple of weeks. Seems a lot of people read my last blog and made a conscious effort to find out how both I & my mum are - certainly didn't go unnoticed and I genuinely appreciate it. She's in good health and I'm sure the fact that she's having people round for dinner and the abundance of flowers and cards that have turned up are a positive sign despite playing havoc with mine and the old man's sinuses. I don't think there's much more to say on the topic, so... thank you.

Online Dating... Why?

Being one with a plethora of opinions about, well, almost everything, I seem to be getting questioned on the nature of online dating recently. Personally, it's something I've never done, but I'm neither for nor against it. People have various reasons for signing up to dating sites in the first place and a few of my friends definitely demonstrate the benefits no matter what you're looking to get out of it. Without delving into detail, if you're looking for something serious, lasting and opening your catchment area to beyond your local area - there's multiple sites that are laden with equally minded people from all corners of society. On the flipside, if you're looking for something more casual, laid back and simply easy.. well, it doesn't get much easier. Tell someone you'll meet them at Reading festival, treat them to a can of Fosters and they'll stay the night in your tent (you know who you are, good work!)

Not that I like taking credit for anything...

A friend of mine asked me best part of two years ago if I'd had any experience with online dating. Besides hearing of friends that had used it and having a look at POF (I think I have a really, really incomplete profile somewhere?) I'd never actually (and still to this day haven't) used it, nor intend to. After a couple of hours discussing his success rate, his messages and how he came across however, we took a bet on how many replies he'd get to a message I designed for him. I think I might have shot myself in the foot given that if I was to start online dating, I probably couldn't use it myself, but hey ho, creativity is a blessing right? I'm in two minds about sharing it on here but I'll err on the side of caution and keep it to myself (well, ourselves, technically). Regardless, he sent my message out after putting his own little spin on it (important to stay true to yourself!) and the next time we met, I was more impressed than I thought I'd be. In an average of ten messages he was lucky to get two replies.. using what I'd modelled for him, he had four dates lined up for the following week. Safe to say I'd dropped myself in the deep end and I'd be spending many a Tuesday night dissecting the results of his dates - but he had a fairly refreshing presence about him and to this day it's safe to say taking a new angle worked wonders for him.

He's currently dating someone not necessarily regarded as 'his type' but he seems pretty smitten, and given that I hear more about her than I ask for, I'm chuffed for him (you're not letting her read this are you..? Sorry fella!). Without doubt his experience is probably the most satisfying and rewarding element of online dating that I've been somewhat 'involved' with. Safe to say, if I was ever to partake in it myself, I'd be asking him for a word of advice or two. Funnily enough, his new better half is also the one that asked the question "Why doesn't Rick do it?" - I'll answer that at the end of this post.

On the flipside..

I have two friends, ironically, same age, similar backgrounds, social circles and the like that have entered the world of online dating. One has been using it for a while with various successes whilst the other is fresh to the whole concept and to a certain degree; I'm not sure if she knew what to expect.

My early and fairly naive view of online dating that anyone partaking in it has to have 'something wrong' with them in some way. Bit harsh giving it a blanket impression but to a degree I don't think I was entirely misled. There are a lot (probably more than I imagined) of genuine, sincere and honest people that use online dating for a multitude of reasons including time constraints, geographical issues and the challenges of breaking the ice face to face. There are however, a huge collection of social oddities and misguided individuals that tend to take the time pursuing options that they probably shouldn't. It's a good ego boost for some though, so they're not all that bad to have around. Besides, everyone loves a compliment, and they're pretty harmless. The old saying states there's "someone for everyone", so good luck to them.

...

I think I fell asleep when I was writing this two weeks ago and I've lost my trail of thought but someone asked me to post it regardless, so here it is. I guess the long and short of it is, online dating is a huge minefield littered with individuals that all have their different reasons for being part of it. Personally, I don't think you can ever truly judge someone *without* face value, but I guess it's a good a means of an introduction as any. Its also far too easy to use as a means of making up for your latest failed relationship..

If you're into online..? Good luck to you. In the meantime, I prefer the real world!

Long, Long Overdue..

What a weekend. What a month. Well, maybe more like three.

I guess this blog post has been well and beyond overdue. I've spent my Sunday on call (more on that later) tidying, clearing out and rediscovering some things I'd long forgotten about. Notably a leaving card that reads - "It's been good getting to know you, so please stay in touch! Good luck in your new job. Don't get complacent on the blog updates, you know how much I enjoy them!"...

Talk about guilt trip.

Working Sundays.. that must suck, right?

So, I'm sure the majority of people that tend to read this given the opportunity are well aware I'm somewhat settled in a new job. After 6 somewhat lengthy years in the wonderful world of retail, I've made a fairly smooth transition into the demanding, exceptionally fast paced industry that is temporary recruitment. In complete honesty and transparency I couldn't have seen myself doing it ~7 months ago but I genuinely couldn't be much happier. After sinking deep into the comfort zone of the same area manager and the same contacts in the retail industry since the tender age of 16 it's a pretty daunting experience facing up to the prospect of working with people you don't know in a completely different job role to the one previous. That being said, as daunting as it may have been, there's so many positives to look forward to. Not only the obvious pay difference (which, lets face it, all of us work for), there's a change of scenery, potential opportunities and career development - far more positives than negatives to say the least.

I'm incredibly fortunate to be working on a busy driving desk based out of Swanley given it's one of the company's longest running and undoubtedly one of the most successful. Thursday gone was undoubtedly a highlight of my 12 weeks with Swanstaff. The year is targeted by quarters and after a lot of quick learning (by that, I mean being dumped in the deep end whilst my newly acquired manager spent my third and fourth weeks sunning himself in Kos), and an abundance of cigarettes, it was announced that we'd more than achieved our target and earnt a healthy bonus due to be paid at the end of October. On a personal level, it's a huge incentive for me to keep performing - a reasonable lump sum bonus pays off one of my debts. One down at the end of the month with two to go? Happy days. Bring on the Ferrari come August.

Don't get me wrong though, every positive has to have some degree of negativity to balance it out. One essential factor in providing staff to several different industries is accessibility. Some of our clients work 24/7 and therefore we're required to be available to meet those demands. On call isn't so bad though, once every 5 weekends and one night of the week, which is generally pretty quiet providing everyone in the office has done their job properly throughout the day / week...

I've got plenty more to write but when I'm almost guaranteed a 4am wake-up call and I'm due in the office at 6, it's probably best I get a couple of hours shut-eye. Look out for an update! Ciao for now.

Famous Last Words

Given the blog was on a pretty spectacular note throughout; it doesn't take much to bring someone crashing back down to reality. Tuesday's are supposed to be like every other Tuesday. A little £5 pub poker game with banter, laughs and good company. I thought it was going the same way and despite a pretty early exit from the poker, I was in my usual high spirits.

Unfortunately, nature has an incredibly twisted means of dealing a pretty nasty hand. I got a text telling me "not to worry" despite the fact my mum was in hospital.. Not sure about anyone reading this but I think that's pretty good reason to worry.

After an incredibly sleepless night, blood tests at 4am and so on, I struggled through work on Wednesday. Safe to say my head wasn't really where it should've been, but on the flip side, there wasn't much else I could do. Sitting at home was probably the worst of my options regardless.

I can only assume tomorrow will be much of the same when she heads "downstairs" as the (and this is going to sound rather sinister), 'regulars' would call it. I'm not a fan of hospitals as it is, but seeing your mother (a very youthful looking) 60 years of age in a ward with women all closer to 80, it's a pretty surreal experience - and one I don't think I'll ever enjoy.

I don't think I could face being there tomorrow so I've opted to work through it and take Friday off to, I dunno, 'support' her recovery? With any joy she'll be out on Saturday; just a little scattier than usual given present company.

Sometimes I think we're a little too quick to neglect how much family can really mean to us. It's certainly nothing short of a wake up call and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have no idea what I'd make of the situation if it was a little more serious than its proves to be. I'm usually a little more reserved with my emotions and feelings in general, but I have nothing but the utmost respect, admiration and love for the woman that made me the man I am today.

I guess this blog serves as a pretty effective outlet afterall... Sorry this one doesn't come with a happy ending.

~ Rick

Falling Off the Wagon..

If you're gonna do something; don't do it by halves.

I guess this is really the only thing I've really remained true to throughout June. I really hate indecisiveness; I much prefer someone take a decision and run with it, even if it does turn out to be the wrong one by the end of it. A least it gives you the opportunity to reflect and learn instead of never knowing.

Before I get into this blog; I want to thank everyone I've had around throughout the past month as its consisted of some of the highest highs, yet also some of the less desirable lows that are just a by product of having a good time. I don't really do regrets; and anything I care to ramble about from here on certainly is no exception.

So, June. It's pretty much been one crazy party with a crushing hangover.. Quite literally.

After months of sobriety I decided to give myself the excuse of having a drink on birthday nights. Unfortunately, when you have quite a diverse and sporadic social circle.. Lots of people have birthdays. I won't blame your parents for enjoying the cold wintered nights with each other and actually, I just blame myself for succumbing to the seductive mistress that is a concoction of Jack Daniels, Jaegermeister, red bull and wine in all of its destructive, intoxicating forms.

My no drinking policy pretty much sailed out of the window, ran across the school field opposite my house and did a little dance for everyone lucky enough to inhabit Bexleyheath to see. In the process I've managed to be sick during a 5-a-side tournament, ruin one of my favourite shirts (sorry Ted, red wine and white shirts are a lethal combination) and fall out of favour with my bank manager. Thank fuck I don't bank with Natwest.

On the other hand, I've finally left the wonderful world of Burton (small round of applause from any current / former Arcadia employees appreciated) after five and a half years, somewhat befriend the security staff in both Affinity and Nyne (good people to know I'd bet), meet a few new faces and learn something new about some people I really didn't expect to... Including myself. I imagine the majority of you reading this will be pleased to hear I have practically nothing to say on the poker front (except a congratulations to Cem for winning himself a holiday to Vegas).

So where to start? I'm not really sure if I'm honest! I think my Facebook documents pretty well where I've been and who with in the past few weeks. Not to mention I probably don't really remember enough detail from any night out to tell you what's made each night amazing in its own right. One things for sure though; it's not necessarily where you are, but more the company you keep. I'm sure there's some quotes I should make an effort to remember.. "what I lack in technique I make up for in effort" detailing Rich's sex life for one. Sorry bud but that was too good to let go. Thankfully I tweeted "Hurry up and stick your finger in, my rice is getting cold".. I'll let you make of that what you will. What is it with everyone turning up at the Laughing Buddha when you're smashed and supposed to be heading home anyway? Managed it twice in consecutive weekends and was supposed to be there Saturday night but somehow convinced myself that bed was a better idea. Anyway; if you've been around, you know who you are, so thanks for burning holes in my wallet, making me feel incredibly lethargic and feeling sorry for myself. That might sound sarcastic but I'm being sincere;
for all the negatives, it's been worth it.

I guess the most exciting thing is my imminent change in career. How old am I..?

After a relatively unsuccessful job hunt pre-Christmas ( thanks in kind for completely ballsing up my second interview with Levi's.. Over confidence gets you nowhere ), I almost felt like I'd done too many interviews to fail another one. So, my CV was passed onto a recruitment consultancy based in the wonderful world of Swanley and I was invited to interview in their Head Office on a (ona auto-corrects to Obama on iPhones.. Weird) Thursday evening. I'm not normally one for nerves but I surprised myself. I found myself buying cigs for the first time in ages on my way, turned up half hour early and proceeded to smoke two before realising that walking into an interview smelling of smoke is one of the silliest things you can do. I guess a bad impression can only get better right? ( please don't take that seriously if you're interviewing somewhere.. Just don't smoke )

Anyway, they took me in 15 minutes early and I still found the nerves sending those really small, hardly noticeable tremors throughout my body. Thankfully no sweaty palms; but I realised for someone that can often be so confident and borderline arrogant; I was really apprehensive about the idea of selling myself.

For about 10 minutes.

Once in the interview and getting past the mundane, technical questions that employers have to ask; I found myself settling down and taking more risks in my responses. After all, why do I want a career in recruitment?

Simply? There's far more money in recruitment than there is in retail in our current economic climate, and that's likely to continue for years to come, if not indefinitely. High streets are dying because people and technology alike are making it consistently easier to discover value through online shopping or using different retailers for the same product at a cheaper price. This will be a tend that continues as far as I can imagine and frankly, leaves little hope for retail managers looking to further a career in a very stifled market. Despite my area manager's encouragement; there simply aren't enough stores being opened and enough money coming into stores to really ensure solid progression, substantial pay rises and ultimately, a better quality of life.

In recruitment however, theres demand. Demand means theres money. Where there's money, there's opportunity. I was offered the position before leaving the room on that Thursday evening and I didn't hesitate to accept; after all, I wasn't going to haggle with employers who were giving me precisely what I was asking for. For the first time in what feels like years, I'm genuinely excited at the prospect of a completely new role. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that won't last long in the grand scheme of things; but I made my intentions clear that I'll be looking to progress at the earliest opportunity, change offices and make money for the company, which in turn, makes me money. Retail will very rarely offer that. It also means I get to work the old "9-5", although I'm under no illusions - the harder / longer you work, the better for you in the long run.. But I get my weekends off to indulge in pub gardens and long lay-ins on Sundays. Tad excited.

I guess I'll take this opportunity to thank those that have supported me, from the relatively timid, awkward boy scout at 16 years of age walking around the Bluewater store tidying up suits to the somewhat bigger personality I am today. I'd like to think there's not a lot I haven't learned with regards to retail management, and people management will be a skill I will never underestimate. Good luck to all of you; and again, thank you.

Fathers' Day happened this month too. As a male, and a father to be ( I would hope, and no, no one is expecting as far as I know, I'm just talking future tense ), I think we can often be found guilty of overlooking Fathers' Day. In the past, I've done the simple thing of buying a card, some kind of novel present ( anyone that knows Mr Baxter will understand ) and leaving it downstairs just to show that I 'remembered' I have some kind of obligation to thank my old man for the past 23 years. This year however, I decided to do things a little differently.

One thing my brother and I always did with my dad was to go to boot fairs. He was away on Fathers' Day so we had to settle for it a week late. Unfortunately, it also happened to piss down with rain so we only had the pleasure of Welling School's incredibly limited, bric-a-brac, hand-me-down indoor stalls. After driving to three sites that were all closed; the day was pretty much a wash out. We treated the old man to a cafe breakfast all the same ( Sainsbury's Crayford.. I wouldn't recommend it ) and more importantly, spent a good 6 hours or so as Father and Sons. It's been a long time since we've had the opportunity and I think he appreciated it, at least I'd hope so. Anyway, moral of the story is, I discovered I can actually be incredibly thoughtful when I want to be, and Lyon know what? It felt good. It still does infact. Do something that requires a but of thought next year; you won regret it.


I guess this brings me into the slightly deep, relatively emotional side of my blog where certain individuals love reading between the lines and picking me apart for it later. Enjoy kids ;).

It's been a really, really strange month. For obvious reasons I won't name names, but anything I do say on here; I hope you don't mind me sharing it.

The first thing that really got this month was playing a little game of Truths with someone. She asked something that actually really threw me at the time; "What's your saddest memory?"

I really had to search for an answer to it as its not something I've ever really considered, and for the sake of feeling a little vulnerable, I don't mind sharing my answer. My grandad's funeral a few years back. More specifically, the point in which my brother and I were stood either side of my old man having just come out of the crematorium main chamber. The service was hard enough to deal with, but I'd done pretty well in containing my emotions, up until the point that my dad turned to us and said something along the lines of "You two are supposed to be supporting me" as his first tear of the day rolled down his cheek. As a pillar of a man that I've leaned on so many times in the past, it's safe to say, this alone broke me. I was so wrapped up in containing my own grief I hadn't spared a thought for the man that had lost his father, and in one single moment, I was met with a crescendo of emotions that I still can't accurately describe. Talk about opening your mind..

It really made me realise that I think I'm somewhat lucky to be able to emotionally disconnect myself in certain scenarios, if a little inhuman. More importantly, it also made me realise that I guess I have a heart. If you read this by the way, thanks :).

As if my own emotional roller coaster wasn't enough, I found myself in two other conversations that were completely unexpected.. It's hard to get across the message without detailing things but I'll do my best as I wouldn't want to break their trust.

So the first was a phone call whilst I was at work with a somewhat 'different' request.. To pop round when I can and check up on their mum. Like a lot of my close friends, I have a habit of calling mums, well, 'mum'. Just something I've always done out of respect and will continue to do so providing that's how they're introduced. What touched me was the fact that I'm seen in that light I guess. If I'm completely transparent, its like walking into territory that I really don't think I'm going to be comfortable with, so I've put it off a little longer than I intended. I'll be round in the week, by the way; sorry it's not been sooner.

The second really came out of the blue, and there are rarely times I'm lost for words, but this was one of them. Similarly, it relates to a friends' parents and is an incredibly difficult situation to come to terms with. Eye-opening again was that they came to me to ask how I cope with dealing with everyone else's burdens whilst also carrying our own. I'm flattered, honoured and frankly, proud. But it's far from easy, and I sympathise completely. Sometimes we really forget to ask how someone is when we're busy off-loading all of our issues and not taking time to consider theirs. If you just felt a slight pang of guilt; remember to ask next time. It's not difficult. And they will appreciate it.

I had one of those moments where I think of the right words at the right time, as follows..

"The heaviest burdens to bear are not ours to bear alone. No matter how things are between us, I'll always be there to share them."

Rocks have feelings too y'know :).

Hope you found something in there worth relating to.. Was a strange experience writing that one. Take care of yourselves, and those that mean the most.

~ Rick

Understanding Internalisms and Dealing with Externalisms

So I definitely made up the terms "Internalisms" and "Externalisms" but hopefully I'll make sense of them somewhere in this blog.

It's true what they say about never knowing what tomorrow brings.. This morning I was greeted by someone I work *with* (credit to someone that gave me a life lesson regarding how we see people within a work environment no matter their status) that seems to 'always' come worse off in any given situation. It's flattering that someone 25 years my senior would come to me for an opinion I might add. Without going into details about her personal life, I found myself talking about the very title of this blog so hey, why not share it?

The long and short of it is, after many years with her partner, a son together, several homes with the only thing missing being a declaration of vows and a wedding ring; he took it upon himself to turn everything on its head for what I can only assume was satisfying his own ego and leave for another woman.

Perhaps not to such an extremity but I'm sure a lot of people reading this can relate.. Infact, I'm sure some of those reading have been 'that guy'... I'll reserve my judgement. Each to their own and I'm sure you have your reasons.

I'm fortunate enough to have never really been on either side of that situation (as far as I'm aware!) but this blog isn't really about that specifically; but moreso what it means and how to deal with it; hence the title.

Sometimes when you think you've hit the bottom, you can't see anything positive to draw on and you're not quite sure when your break is due; you have to come to the point of understanding that your own happiness is on the back of your own merit. I'm sure I've touched on this before but I found myself explaining it all over again.

The theory itself is really basic in principle, or so I'd like to think.

Internalisms..

By this; I simply mean, everything that we influence and control within ourselves.

Too often do I doubt what I'm doing on a daily basis, asking myself if I'm truly doing all I can to maximise my satisfaction, and the simple answer is; no. For example, despite firing my CV off to numerous agencies, websites and so on before Christmas last year, I never really took the time to look over what I'd written on it three years ago. Was it still relevant to who I am today? Did it really reflect my behaviours, achievements, goals and transferable skills? Not particularly. If I'm honest, it still doesn't, although it reads a lot better than it did those three years ago. For any roles I've applied for and not heard back from; I have no one to blame but myself. I've never really given myself the best opportunity I can, and until I do, I can never be completely satisfied with my efforts.

The same applies to relationships, friendships, sports, gaming (former WoW player here.. Don't ask) and just about any other aspect of life I could think to apply it to. I guess as I started on the theme of relationships it's the next natural explanation..

Unfortunately I think the large majority f people fall into the 'beauty of hindsight' category and never really see mistakes when they're making them; only after they've been made and they're beyond rectification. In relationships its easy to take someone else, and everything they do, for granted. What we never really consider is precisely what we do for them, why we do it, what it means to then and if we're really demonstrating our best selves throughout the relationship. People aren't perfect and I'm not naive enough to discount that; but there is almost always that little bit more we could've done, or rather, should've. More often than not we've suffered a moment where a slip of empathy means we've never really considered what saying something means to a significant other, or worse, not saying anything at all. I'm definitely about to contradict myself but for one, it demonstrates that such matters aren't black and white, and secondly, it's 1am on a Tuesday (technically Wednesday?) and I'm rambling - bear with me ;).

The point I'm trying to make is; our actions, thoughts and feelings that we are accountable for, are our responsibility and ultimately; we have no one to answer to but ourselves. If you can't be happy with yourself, who can you be happy with? Or, in an alternative light, who could ever be happy with you?

Externalisms however..

Are predominately the thoughts, feelings an emotions you associate with someone or indeed something else's doing. If Internalisms are an action, Externalisms are a reaction. More often than not; other people's actions are beyond your means of control (I'd hope that's the case anyway!).

Personally I find it easier to relate Internalisms as positives and therefore Externalisms negatives; although this isn't always the case. Obviously someone doing something nice for you is a positive Externalism; and your reaction will likely be a positive (unless you're an ungrateful misog). In the case of relationships though (we can argue friendships fall into this broader category for what it's worth); we can be very quick to highlight several negatives and overlook the positives. It's human nature in most of us and I'm sure any poker player can tell you a thousand bad beat stories as opposed to when they rode their luck (nearly got there without a poker reference but there's the slip.. Sorry!).

We forget about the mornings that our other halves made us a cup of tea before we had to head out to work, because we like to moan about how inconsiderate they are the one day they forget.. Straying from the point, aren't I?

In the case of my colleague above; there is absolutely nothing she can do now that he's decided to move on because it's a factor outside of her control. He's responsible for his own mind as she is hers, and it's very unlikely that his mind will change once it's been made up. The simple fact of the matter is, that it leaves two options. The first being the least favourable, the negative, downbeat attitude that can't ever seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The alternative; getting over it, moving on and *accepting* that's what's done is done. Deal with it. The only thing you can really relate back to in terms of an explanation is; "Did I do everything I could have done to put myself in the best possible situation?". If the answer is no, then at least you've found something to work on and improve for next time round. Providing you want it, because after all, there will always be a next time if you want it enough.

Life's a pretty tough game in the grand scheme of things, but if you want to enjoy it? That's all down to you.

The Highs and Lows of No Limit Hold'Em

I'm sure anyone that's read this blog (including a tweet favourited by @Daleroxxu, a PokerStars online Pro) or anyone that knows me personally recognises that I've put a lot of hours into poker both live and online. My experience ranges from playing in pubs at 18 for £5 with guys all new to the game; fresh fish in a pretty big pond to £50 tournaments at Nottingham's infamous Dusk Til Dawn cardroom; undoubtedly the biggest and best in the UK; not to mention visiting some of the biggest venues in Las Vegas from small scale hotels to the homes of the high rollers in the Bellagio, Venetian, Aria and everything between. In terms of cash poker I've spent many a night in friend's back rooms playing 5p/10p with tins of Fosters, £1/1 in the Fox on Shaftesbury Avenue (likely my preferred venue) and £1/2 in The Empire Casino in the heart of Leicester Square.

It's pretty safe to say that poker, paintball and partying have been the three biggest aspects of my life in the past 18 months; ironically, about the same time that I split with my last missus. Funny how you find the time for things without a woman to nag you all the time ;) (and just in case she's reading this, for anyone that hasn't met her, she's actually borderline amazing; just some things happen at the wrong time.. my bad!)

So what's this blog about, really?

I saw a tweet about a friend learning to play poker for pennies, ironically, not so different to how I first started playing the game (although I think it was for pounds.. how naive of me) and in jest, suggested that it's probably a bad idea to start. I'm actually at the very beginning (as in, I'm a whole day in) of a 10 week poker 'hiatus'. It's predominately down to varying internal / external factors, but as is the nature of poker, I very much consider myself to be on what's known as a 'downswing'. The nature of the game is such that sometimes even when you're playing well; there's nothing you can do about the cards that fall. I've been thinking about taking a break for a few weeks given my lacklustre performance last season at the Nag's Head in Welling. If anyone wants to play recreational poker on a Tuesday night for a mere £5, I recommend it. Once you settle in after a couple of weeks and everyone realises that you're not a melodramatic, egotistical arsehole (in my case, I've been accepted as such; so you've got a pretty high tolerance threshold when I'm in there), it's a great atmosphere with a mix of playing styles, abilities, ages and sometimes genders; although it is (as is the nature of the game) always going to be a predominantly male environment. However, my decision was confirmed after a ridiculously bad night at The Empire.

I had last Saturday off work and nothing planned for Friday night (very unlike me), so thanks to Nathan's generosity and faith in my game, I headed up to meet him in Central London for what would eventually turn out to be an 8 hour session, having planned for only half of that. The night started pretty 'meh' on all accounts and I'd topped up after an hour or so of being in there, switched on my game and started picking spots with a solid read on most of my opponents on the table. Coming up for about 1.30am I'd spun up something like a £450 profit and was contemplating cashing out, naturally sitting in for another round or two to avoid the indecency of taking a huge percentage of someone's stack and then leaving the table; effectively devoiding them the opportunity of winning anything back and reducing the amount of cash on the table. This will be the only hand I explain on this blog (I'd hope) to demonstrate the variance in poker and the brutal reality of the game sometimes. If anyone that plays far more than I do wants to comment on the hand; please do (@freddie_baxter on Twitter).

I'm on the button with 99 (suits are irrelevant), with 3-4 limpers before me so there's ~£12 in the pot. I raise pre-flop to £21 (generally acceptable in the Empire given that a lot of the players on a Friday night have been out for work drinks and are looking to throw lots of money your way.. that and I'm £450 up). The big blind (BB) is the only caller as the rest of the table folds round.

The flop is an absolute dream; 3 9 J rainbow.

I've just flopped the second nuts with the only hand beating me being JJ, very unlikely that the BB doesn't 3-bet this pre, even out of position (OOP) against my button range. Being the tender age of 23 I'm considered to be 'one of those internet kids', so we have a pretty loose, aggressive reputation. So be it.

The BB check / calls my bet of £38; he doesn't have much in this spot other than JX, 33 or QT. I bet big to price his draws and extract max value from a very solid holding; against JX (his most likely), I'm a huge 96% favourite to win the hand. That's just about as good as it gets.

The turn is a pretty bad card if I consider QT a part of his range.. Kd, also bringing a diamond flush draw. Again, the BB check / calls my bet of £84. I think if he's just turned the straight, two pair or any hand that beats an overpair / AK, he's raising here for value considering he's out of position on the river. I actually improve; I'm 100% against any Jx that's not J9, J3 or JK; and I'm a 96% favourite against any of those hands.

The river falls another K. The BB checks to me again and I fire a value bet of £180; the one thing he does is what I'm not expecting. He attempts to shove his entire stack in, but manages to mess up and the dealer calls it a min-raise. I've still got more behind, but suddenly his call / call / shove line makes no sense, except for one hand. I call off the extra £180 and I see the one hand I really don't want to see; KJ.

The guy goes from a mere 10% chance of winning, down to 4%, to 100%. That is the nature of poker, and left a steaming £503 hole in my stack. So much for that four hour profit.

Ironically, just as I wrote this part, Nathan text me the following;

"You'll like this one. I've got AA utg in a straddle. I make it 27, one caller (massive fish, bad player) from the SB, flop Q72, he checks, I bet 35, he raises to 70, I raise to 160, he shoves for 750, I snap. He has JJ. He hits runner runner quads. 1.5k pot... :/"

Horrible game; isn't it?

Most poker players will always stress over their bad runs as opposed to their positive ones. I blogged before about the Nottingham trip in which I was over £1k in profit from the Friday night; so obviously the potential highs speak for themselves.

So, back to that tweet..


On my original point; I advised the world of twitter not to get involved in poker which is actually a really negative outlook. The game can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. I won't enter the debate about gambling / skill / luck as convincing anyone from outside the poker spectrum will either fail to understand, or choose not to. I don't participate in sports betting and I'm generally pretty effective at avoiding the lure of roulette wheels and blackjack tables.

Poker however is very much a thinking man (or woman)'s game; there's so many levels upon levels which new players can't even begin to appreciate until they experience the game in depth. I still consider myself very much an amateur as a break-even player over the past few years; although I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had, nor the people I've met through poker for anything. Besides that, I'm sure there will come a time I'll pull off a miraculous tournament win to put a deposit on a flat at least. It's all in the grand plan.

On a more serious note; poker is a fantastic hobby if you can exercise the powers of self-control and set yourself limits. On a social level, having anything between 4-10 people around a table with a few drinks and just a few quid between friends is the recipe for a fun and fantastic night. On a professional level? You get the benefits of avoiding tax and choosing the hours you want to work; but I'd suggest working up a huge sample before you even think about that option.

I've now got ten weeks to fill with doing awesome stuff that doesn't involve cards; suggestions welcome!

Waffle.

Ever had that feeling in which you just need to write down and reflect, with no specific intention, motive nor reason?

I've just discovered one of those moments and it's precisely why the title reads as it does; waffle. I have no idea what I want to talk about, I can't think of any insightful advice or passionate opinion, so I'll just write, and I guess that means you're invited to read!

You know, I really hate that question you're always asked when you see someone that you don't see that often.. "So, what have you been upto?".. There's only one question that tops it; "Still in Burton?" - the answer's still yes. Except I work for Dorothy Perkins too. Funnily enough, that's almost the answer to the initial question. "Work, paintball, poker, driving pissheads (we'll call them friends from this point on) home"... and undoubtedly I've gone no more than a 3-week stretch with at least one visit to Pure.

The worst thing is? I always find myself asking that question too! It's such a mundane yet easy opener for someone you know, to the point I almost find it easier talking to strangers. Little bit backwards but hey ho!

Regardless, what *have* I done for the past month?

Giving up smoking. Literally harder than ever.. I did it a few years ago when I was in a relationship with a non-smoker; not for her as she never asked; but it just didn't sit right with me. Giving up was easy then, almost too easy. Either that or life was far less stressful and consuming in comparison to how it is now.
I took the option not to make a big deal about my giving up as I did on New Years because in a realistic sense, I'm well aware there's a very significant failure rate as far as I'm concerned. Breaking any sort of habit is incredibly difficult and I allow myself too many bad influences (you know who you are) around me which makes it even more challenging. Don't get me wrong, I've smoked more than I've intended, predominately on nights out; but I've probably smoked say ~40 cigs in the past month, equivalent to just over two per day. Considering I'd easily do anywhere between 8-20 a day (depending what day it was), I see it as a huge achievement and I'm not ashamed to say I'm quite proud of myself for it.

Alongside this, I've been running far more frequently. If you've seen the pale legs sticking out from the generic black running outfit in Hall Place of an evening; I apologise for any offence my whiter-than-white pins may have caused. To the girl that whistled once.. Hi ;).

Enough of that. On a more negative note, I haven't been tracking my runs and therefore not keeping a record of my distance / times and how I've improved. This is a mistake, in honesty, and I intend to rectify it by the end of the month. I've also convinced my old dear to come running at least one night a week, so for any of you with a liking toward 60something married women of two.. Please remove yourselves from my Facebook. Thanks.

Drinking! This one I find a lot easier than smoking; I've had hardly anything that even constitutes 'a drink' in the past month and it's almost to the point I have no recollection of what hangovers feel like. Bet you're all jealous. Rich has sort of joined me on this one too; he already had one up with the no-smoking considering he never started but I think he felt he was slacking. That and he does plenty of MMA. Drunk fighters don't win much.

Paintball and poker being two things close to my heart (there are things closer, don't worry), I seem to have got them confused.

At the end of last season, I said I'd be giving up paintball for at least a year (think i explained this in an earlier blog).. Yet in the past month I've played the whole of one event and a few games of the one just gone after agreeing to coach for my team.

The first event went really well; it's the first time we chose to completely ignore the scoreboards given we have a few new players in the squad; just try to integrate them, have fun and enjoy the sport. Turns out, it came down to the last game for a podium finish. Pleased to say I pulled off one of my finer performances (I can only think of two specific games I'd played better in previous) to overturn a 3-on-1 situation and make sure we placed third. It was nice coming back to a 'one off' and coming back with a trophy.

The event weekend just gone wasn't quite as smooth however.. Stormed the first game, lost the next three and then went on to steady the ship. Couldn't turn it round though and missed out on third by something like 40 points; shame, but not the end of the world.

Poker on the other hand, I haven't been playing nearly as much as I was at the back end of last year and earlier this year. Since Nottingham I've been on what I can only describe as a downswing. I set aside Bank Holiday weekend for a £40 charity event which saw my departure in pretty shocking fashion. With 77 on 7c4c2d I got it in against TT.. The board ran out another two clubs for his flush at odds of 26-1.. Lovely! Think I lumped something like £30-40 at a worthwhile charity though (LittleBuds) so it was a pretty productive day. Nice to see a relatively large poker 'community' turn out too and bodes well for future events.

I've written this whole thing on my phone and haven't read back over it, so I'm expecting plenty of spelling errors (iPhones are handy like that) and wrong words in the wrong places.

So yeh; don't think I did much other than talk complete waffle? Said I would, so if you're still reading, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it all the same.

I'll be sure to come up with something inspiring and generally awesome next time. Until then.. :)

Checking in with reality..

So I'm writing this purely for my own benefit and I guess those that read it will be those that take time out themselves to check this blog rather than clicking on a FB / twitter link because they're bored..

After an incredibly productive day in taking third at the Southern Masters Paintball and settling for second at The George for a fiver short of first place; I took the time to reflect on the past few months. I made a passing comment to Rich along the lines of "I'm not quite sure where I've been going wrong recently.." then had one of those eureka moments where everything makes sense. Naturally, I figured this blog was the best place to get it off my chest.

I like to believe (and I'm sure I have critics on both sides) that I'm a pretty dab hand at giving advice across a wide variety of subjects; be it work, relationships, friendships, poker, paintball or those niggling life decisions that you need an external opinion on.. My problem with this..?

I've failed to take my own advice on more than one occasion. I've been in many situations recently in which i should've taken an objective view and discover the answers, but failed to do so and ultimately paid the price in one way or another.

Without being too specific; I've been far too content with being second best, a stop-gap or just a temporary fulfilment to people without really considering what's best for me in both the short and long term. I generally look to be the best I can be.. For someone else.

Selfless and egotistically satisfying? Maybe. But as it goes on; I've never really made it my priority to be honest with myself about what's best for me, and realistically, that's more important than anything else. I don't think it's wrong to "look out for number one" and infact, I think it's actually incredibly healthy.

When your expectations are high, you have to accept there will be several disappointments so you can really appreciate the penultimate taste of success. Besides; how can you determine what's truly the best thing for you if there aren't pitfalls on the way?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

It's an ancient Chinese proverb that I'm sure the large majority of those reading this will have heard; yet I've only just come to truly understand it.

So my parting advice to anyone that reads this, and indeed myself?

Live life for yourself. Share it with those that don't take you for granted; but truly appreciate how fortunate they are to have you.

Just testing..

Downloaded Bloggr on my phone so just testing and shamelessly plugging ;)

The Post-Nottingham Report

I guess this is as close to a 'disclaimer' as you'll get. The first part of this blog will be very much focused on poker, so if you've got no interest in reading it, wait for the next installment. I was going to add it on the end, but time flies and a post-midnight blog with work in the morning isn't on the cards..


Nottingham - The Big Poker Weekender


So those of you reading this probably understand how the pub poker leagues work.. playing for points (and the money, obviously) each week to earn a place in the top two in order to qualify for a regional final. Placing in the top eight in that means you qualify for the National; the top 8 from that then get flown out to Vegas to play their final table out. It's a pretty sweet deal if you make it all the way at least.

Nathan managed to qualify for the National early on in the season, so obviously any excuse to have a tear-up in some random city is a good excuse. Ironically enough, the poker started on Friday night up town and was undoubtedly my best session to date.

Friday 23rd March - Where the fun begins.. Empire Casino & Fox Poker Club

I'm pretty lucky to have Nathan back me in cash games in town. Heading up with a paltry £20 in my wallet, we started the day at The Fox, playing a £30 bounty tournament. Against the odds, we somehow managed to all finish in the final 11 of 60 or so runners.. only to majestically fall short of the money in 11th (Rich), 10th (Rick) and 8th (Nathan). Pretty disappointing result but I took four bounties at a fiver each so it wasn't a tragic result; and pretty promising we all managed a deep run. Says a lot for how our game has come on since starting at the Ivory Lounge on a Tuesday night. We'll likely play more tourneys in future and hopefully be placing in the top 3.. there's a goal.

We moved onto The Empire, host to £1/£2 cash games. Within an hour I'd cashed out for £740, returned Nathan's £300 stake plus 30% on top as our agreement stands; pretty profitable for someone that walked out of the house with £20. Given that I was about £300 better off I agreed to pay for dinner at Henry's in Covent Garden (the pasta's lush, I'd recommend it) and head back to The Fox for the 7pm tourney with Rich.. as always, we'd missed level 1 and turned up nearer 8pm.. who likes being on time anyway? We both managed to bust pretty soon after sitting down so inevitably the cash tables were calling for my profits. Not long into my session I'd spun up £100 to somewhere in region of £300 and was told of a £1/£1 Round of Each being played (round of Hold'Em, round of Omaha). After taking my seat it was pretty obvious the whole table preferred Omaha which was music to my ears. The clock ticked on, and the most eventful part of the night was just before midnight; the dealer was finishing dead on 12 and predicted we'd have 4-5 hands to play before the table broke, so offered us 4, 5 or 6 cards under standard Omaha rules. Everyone opted for 6, and it wasn't long before we saw why..

In the third hand, I picked up 8899TJ with two suits (hearts & spades) and pot raised to £12.. two of the remaining three players came along, seeing £36 in the pot before the flop. Flop comes 6h7cQh - giving me the open ended straight draw (wrap at the top end) and a pretty weak flush draw. The short stack on the table leads out for £36, which I pot raise expecting to get it in and have the guy behind me fold. He does the opposite and pot raises all-in; the short stack puts himself in and I can never fold for the extra. I'm pretty happy with a solid draw and no made hand.. the short-stack shows QQ2xxx for top set, the guy on my left AA66xx with two hearts for bottom set, an overpair and the nut flush draw. I'm not in awful shape but I hate the fact my heart draw is dead. The turn is a meaningless 3 and I scoop a ~£700 pot effectively breaking the table, sending my profit to £1,020 for the night and still in time for the last train home with Rich; who can only say "You're sick".

Saturday 24th - Pack the bags and get moving..


We pre-arranged a 9.30am start for the trip to Nottingham. I think we were all well aware that was probably not the best idea, but there was a tourney starting at 2pm, not to mention finding where we were supposed to be in the first place. I picked up Rich just before 10am, stopped off for some essential supplies (water & cigarettes no less) before heading to Nathan's and then starting the three hour drive up "North". The drive was pretty smooth, with a stop off in "My snuggly bed" somewhere in Milton Keynes and only the one traffic hold-up on the way. We arrived in Nottingham in good time, just to find our hotel was dead opposite Trent Bridge Stadium, on match day. Would've probably been easier to jump on the coach with all the Brighton & Hove fans but hey-ho! The hotel wasn't bad, at £25 a night we weren't expecting a miracle regardless and I'm sure Rich didn't really mind the camp-type-bed he ended up in. That's the downside to being last in; you get the worst bed. Golden rule.

Onto Dusk Til Dawn and the £50 deep stack..


Generally the rule in poker is; you get what you pay for. The higher buy-in tourneys are always of a better structure to allow for more depth in play, not to mention big guarantee prize pools. Traditionally, we'd all agreed to miss level one, but Rich & Nathan registered and squeezed in for the last ten minutes. Like a hero, I managed to be put on the first reserve so I missed level one.. entered level two and subsequently bust by level three. Running KK into AA is a pretty sick spot in a tourney and I genuinely contemplated getting away from it, but I think I would've been annoyed for the rest of the tourney if I had've folded and been wrong.

They allowed one rebuy which both Nath & I ended up taking (spiraling our entry cost to £118 each.. ouch) and I went on to last the longest out of the three, eventually busting in about level 12. I'm not unhappy with the way I played, picked my spots well and ended up busting in pretty standard fashion. Unfortunate, but that's poker, and there's always next time.

Saturday Night.. Are you lost?


So Rich and I thought we'd have a job getting Nathan out of the poker-room to come party on Saturday night, but turns out he was as up for it as we were; so let the mess begin. As I generally enjoy talking to anyone and everyone on a night out, I urged the boys to ask randoms where the best place to go on a Saturday night in Nottingham is. It came back pretty conclusively as Gatecrasher, so hey, that's where we headed. I could probably try and explain what happened on the night, but if I'm honest, I don't remember parts of it. A girl I hadn't even spoken to did make a point of calling me a "dirty southern bastard" though; quite an impressive read if you ask me! I guess the following picture kinda sums up the weekend pretty well..

In some respects; I guess we were..

Sunday, Monday and beyond..

So the whole point of Nottingham in the first place was for Nathan to play this tournament that pub poker players up and down the country were to turn up for. The annoying thing was, it started at midday but we had to be there for 10am.. That means this designated driver had to haul his arse out of bed on four hours sleep to drive back to the poker room. On arrival we were told of the free fry-up on offer (amazing how that makes you feel so much better right?), not to mention Lauren Pope made an appearance for the sake of promoting RedTooth and letting people have a picture with her for £5 a time. Quite frankly, I wasn't looking my best on very little sleep and sweating alcohol so I decided to go without. Besides; breakfast was more important.

The tournament started at 12:30 and Nathan managed to last an impressive.. 7 minutes? There or thereabouts. Our only saving grace was that as tables began to free up from the tournament, the cash tables started running. Little did we know, but this would be the beginning of our 13 hour stint at the tables, save the 20 minute break for Nando's courtesy of Rich's £25 profit at the time. I think by the end of Sunday we all pretty much broke even, but hey, it kept us entertained until 4am.. The club closed, so we took the decision to find a 24 hour McDonald's with great success. Even got to see a fight kick off whilst enjoying our breakfast; definitely haven't experienced that in Bexleyheath.

Having not paid any attention whatsoever to the check-out times and suchlike; we were pretty lucky to leave around 10am; and despite little sleep, too much poker and a modesty profit by the end of the weekend; I still found time to squeeze in a JD & coke at the Wrong Un. All in all? One of my most memorable weekends in recent times; most definitely this year. We're all planning on finding more suitable tournaments around the country; not to mention building bankrolls to support playing them at the same time. Besides; the UKIPT has £1million guaranteed prizepools with around £200k to first; who wouldn't want the same shot?

You'll have to wait til next time for some insight into the deeper, more personal revelations. Look forward to it; won't be long :)